Fifty Shades of Christian
by Cookie06
Summary: Ever what what Christian was thinking through FSOG? This retelling of the story from his perspective picks up when he walks out of Clayton's Hardware Store. Rated M because it includes flashbacks of Elana and the 15, and who knows what else...
1. After Clayton's

**This is my first time writing a Fan Fiction. Any advice would totally be helpful! I hope to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. The story picks up after he leaves Clayton's at the end of book 3. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I hope you enjoy!**

Once I got back to my car, I called Welch. "Welch, I need a background check on everyone working at Clayton's Hardware Store in Portland. Include the owner's brother Paul."

"Yes sir," Welch replies. "How soon do you want it?"

"Just email me everything when it is done." I end the call and then call Elliot. His phone goes straight to voicemail. He is probably still with whom ever he was with last night. Will he ever stop being a playboy? I call Taylor, my go to man. He handles everything that I may want on a whim.

"Sir?" he answers. He knew I was coming down here, but did not know all of the reasoning behind it.

"Taylor, get me a room at the Heathman tonight. I am staying."

"Yes sir," is his only reply and then he is gone.

I mindlessly drive around Portland taking in everything that is going on. Am I really going to go after this girl? She is so young and inexperienced. Surely she's had boyfriends though, but why not now? It is because of her studies? She graduates in 2 weeks, is she worried about passing her finals? I should have Welch get me her academic records. I find myself in Vancouver, on her street. I didn't mean to come here, but I should see what type of living situation she has. I am impressed that she has an apartment and is not living in the dorms. Maybe that is the reason for the Wal-Mart and Old Navy clothes. From the look of her apartment, it is a two bedroom. So, she shares it with Miss Kavanagh. I guess its better than sharing it with a man. _Why do you care Grey? She is not yours! You will be lucky if she doesn't tell you to go fuck yourself for stalking her._

After my encounter with her today, I want more. I want to see her beg me to touch her. I want her to beg to get spanked. God, why do I want her so bad?

I arrive at the Heathman and get checked in. By the time I am finished with dinner, Taylor should be here so I can get to work. As long as the things I want to do to her do not distract me. I am able to make it through dinner, but I can feel my body getting tense. I need to meet with Claude, my personal trainer. He will get me to relax. I have a fleeting thought as to what Dr. Flynn, my psychiatrist, will say to all of this. _Oh well, we will deal with that if the time comes._ I glance at my watch, its 6pm and no phone call. _Maybe_, _I_ _will_ _be_ _going_ _home_ _tomorrow_. This thought upsets me, and I am not sure why.

Taylor has succeeded in getting me everything I needed from home. I sit down at the desk in my room, or should I say living room. Taylor knows I don't like small rooms, so he made sure that I got the biggest suite that they had. I open my laptop to get to work. Once I get started, the outside slowly fades away. When my phone rings it startles me and I look at the caller id. It's not a number I know. I contemplate not answering it, and then remember that I am waiting for a phone call from Miss Steele. I answer, "Grey."

"Er… Mr. Grey? It's Anastasia Steele." She sounds so scared when she speaks, and it makes me want to see her scared. Scared as to what I am going to do to that pretty pale skin.

"Miss Steele," I let her name roll off my tongue, it taste so sweet. "How nice to hear from you." I reply. The sound of her voice sinks to my dick. Just picturing her mouth as she speaks makes me hard.

As we set all of the plans for the photo shoot, she calls me "Sir." That one little word makes me want to drive to her apartment and teach her what she can really do for me. I smile through the phone; it's time to make her feel the same way that she makes me. I know when we hang up; my charms have worked on her. I can tell by the way she hangs up without telling me bye. I should teach her some manners while I am at it. _What are you saying? She is not even yours! _Yet


	2. Photo Shoot

**This is my first time writing a Fan Fiction. Any advice would totally be helpful! I hope to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I hope you enjoy!**

That night is like all others, restless. I don't really sleep, and I'm okay with that. At least the nightmares are getting to a point that there is only 1 a night. That could be from me refusing to fall back asleep too. I get up and decide to do some work since I can't do my usual routine and play the piano. I open my laptop and see that I have an email from Welch.

It's all of the information that I requested on the employees of Clayton's Hardware Store. Nothing seems to be out of order. I read over Paul's very slowly making sure that I am not missing the tiniest detail. It appears that all of the information that Anastasia gave me is correct. At least he is not lying to her. But he still wants in her pants. I could tell by the way he regarded me when we were introduced. _What does it matter if he wants in her panties? She may very well want him to be there! She is not yours! _This seems to be the new mantra of my subconscious.

Since we decided to meet at 9:30 for the photo shoot, I decide to go to the gym to try and relax a little. I am really good at pushing myself and not giving up. Once I have a goal in my head, I work towards it until I have surpassed it. The gym here is not as good as what I am used to, but it will suffice for now.

When I get back to my room, I order breakfast and have a brief meeting with Taylor about my plans for the day. I am not sure how long the photo shoot will take, but I will stay however long Miss Steele does. I would like to get some alone time with her, but I'm sure Miss Kavanagh will be with her. It will be interesting to see what type of person I could've had interview me.

After breakfast, I shower and dress. A simple white button down and flannel pants should be fine. It's not like I am dealing with the Seattle Times for these pictures. These are just some college kids. I am reminded of my time at college. While it was brief, I was able to learn a lot about people during that time in their life.

I knock on the door of the room at 9:30 sharp. I like to keep my word, and I said I would be here at 9:30. When I walk in, Miss Steele's beauty takes me back. I take a quick breath to compose myself. Taylor follows me in; I usually don't notice that he is with me anymore. He is always where I need him to be.

I shake hands with Anastasia, and for a moment, my guard comes down. _How is she so disarming?_ I see her blush when I say her name. What I wouldn't give to see how far her blush extends down her body. _Grey, keep together!_

Anastasia introduces me to the others in the room. Miss Kavanagh seems very much in control. I am truly grateful for her illness. Two control freaks don't mix well, but I am sure I would have put her in her place. When I tell Katherine how much of a pleasure it is to be here, I make sure that I look back at Anastasia so that she knows I am referring to her. She is biting her lip. I want to kiss her so bad. _She has your number Grey, and there is nothing that you can do about it._

She then turns and introduces me to Jose Rodriguez. _Is this her boyfriend?_ He smiles at her like he is. I immediately want him gone. He cannot look at her that way! She is mine! _No, she is not Grey, relax! _

I continue with the shoot, amused at how Miss Kavanagh handles herself and commands the room. Through out the process, I am able to connect with Anastasia twice. I feel like she knows exactly what I am thinking just by a look. I need to make sure she knows her place!

As everything concludes, I realize that I have to spend more time with Anastasia. I ask her to walk with me. I don't know what I am going to say or how I am going to get her not to leave yet, but I have to do something. When she tells me she will, I notice that Miss Kavanagh has a face splitting grin and Mr. Rodriguez is very unhappy. Too bad, he will have to suck it up! _Grey… She is not yours to do with as you please! _ _I want to bury myself in her tight pussy, to feel her cum and shake from me. To prove to her that she is already mine!_

As I lead her outside, I dismiss Taylor. I decide to ask her for coffee. I'm sure she is like most college kids and live off of it. It will be in a public place, so I will be forced to control myself. When she makes an excuse to drive everyone home, I immediately call Taylor back. He can take care of that. Once I've given instructions to Taylor, I ask again. I really do not like having to ask for things more than once. If she were mine, we would be out of the door by now. _But, she is not!_ When she offers another option, I merely just smile and let her proceed. I can't force her… Yet!

Once she is back in the room, I look to Taylor. He is merely standing there, awaiting further instructions. I decide to relax a bit. I know that she will come with me. It's just a matter of everyone else getting back to Vancouver. When she exits the suite, she tells me we can go. I give her my charming smile just to see her reaction. As she walks in front of me I am able to discreetly dismiss Taylor and enjoy the view of her from behind. What I wouldn't do to that ass! _Keep calm Grey!_

As we walk to the elevators, I begin with my questions. I want to know about her relationship with Kavanagh. Maybe she is gay, which would explain her question during the interview. I could see her with someone controlling, she seems like she enjoys that. But I would rather it be me controlling her.

When the elevator arrives, there is a young couple that was enjoying the privacy of it, before the door opened. I've always enjoyed the electricity that is present in elevators. It's like everything is heightened when you are in them alone with another person. I wouldn't mind having Anastasia in here alone. Tying her hands to the rail behind her. Wrapping her legs around my waist. Feeling her body react as I push myself deep into her. Hearing her moan as I pull on her nipples through her shirt. As the door opens on the first floor, I am brought back to the present, and instinctively grab her hand to lead her through the lobby. I just can't stand being so close to her without touching her anymore. As we leave the elevator, I smile when I hear the giggling. I knew we had interrupted something. "What is it about elevators?"

I pull her across the lobby to the front doors. I opt for the door that I can open for her. I never liked revolving doors. And this way I don't have to lose the connection to her. As we walk, I maintain control over her just by simply holding her hand. I am not the type that usually has PDA, even holding someone's hand in public is a bit much. _What is she doing to me?_

Once we get to the coffee house, I finally let go of her hand and I immediately miss it in mine. I hold the door open for her and once inside I tell her to go find a table, and ask her what she would like. She says tea. Tea? I asked her for coffee and she wants tea? What college student doesn't live off of coffee? Okay, tea it is. I ask her if she wants sugar, and see the fleeting look of her hoping I am referring to her. _Not yet Miss Steele, but soon. I hope._ I see the disappointment register as she understand my meaning, and she looks down. She really should not look down; I love looking into her eyes.

I make my way to the counter and order. I take this time to collect myself. I run my hands through my hair out of frustration. _What is she doing to me? Why do I want, no need her so bad? I have never wanted a sub this bad. Has it really been that long since Susannah? _I get my thoughts under control and make my way back to the table.

When I get back to the table, she is biting her lip again. Why does she do that? Does she know what it does to me? For some reason, I just want to fuck her, hard, any time I see her sink her teeth into that bottom lip. I ask her what she is thinking, and she blushes. I set down the tray and remove the items. Once I set the tray on another table, I ask again what she was thinking. _Why must I always ask more than once? _ She talks about the tea, surely that can't be what she was thinking. As I watch her place the bag in the cup and then remove it shortly there after, I wonder if she even really likes tea.

I decide to just ask about Mr. Rodriguez. I have to know if she can even be mine. She seems confused that I would even think they were together, so I explain. I can't seem to look away from her. She is just so captivating. I ask her if she would like some of my muffin. _I wonder if she would let me feed it to her. I picture her in my playroom, bound and blindfolded. ENOUGH GREY! _

I ask about Paul, even though Welch told me that he was single, I still have to hear it from her. When I tell her that she seems nervous with men, her response takes me back a step. I intimidate her? If I can do that when she is still free, I would really like to see how I affect her when she is mine. _She is not yours Grey! _Yet.

For some reason I find myself letting my guard down and talking to her. I try to warn her, but I can't seem to get my point across. I just want to look at her and take in every aspect of her beauty. I find that I am able to make her blush on command. _I know how to do that to other parts of your body too, Anastasia._ She calls me high-handed. Seriously? I have to give her some credit; she still doesn't understand the extent of my control. _I would be more than happy to prove to you how much I like control._

She asks about my name. Did I ask her to call me anything other than Mr. Grey? Is this her way of asking if she can? I've never let any submissive call my by anything other than Mr. Grey or Sir. She will not be the first.

I decided to go into her past with her family. I don't get a lot that I didn't already get from Welch. But her emotion when she talks about them is all over her face. She tells me about her real father dying when she was so young. I can't help but feel I tug on my heart. _Remember Grey, you do not have a heart._ As the conversation goes on, I make a jab about her "gay" question. I need to have the upper hand. That gets her talking. She rambles on about her mother, it's nice to see that she loves her very much. _Too bad your's was a crack-whore._ I ask her about the man that raised her. She needs a little nudging, but she finally tells me more.

When she turns the line of questioning around, and asks about my family. I give her the standard responses, not anything she couldn't find out from Google. When I mention Paris because of Mia, I find out that she has never been outside of the 48 states.

She says that she would like to visit England because of her favorite writers. I am very happy that she has finally given me something about herself. So, she likes to read? _Grey, she is not yours!_

She suddenly brings up her exams and I understand that our coffee is over. I take her hand to walk her back to the hotel. Again, I am amazed what her touch does to me. As we walk, I wonder about her wardrobe. She should be wearing much nicer things that what she does. Does she have anything nicer?

She asks me about having a girlfriend. It takes effort not to laugh. She will understand soon enough what I want in a woman, and it surely is not a girlfriend! Suddenly, she turns to walk into the street. I see the cyclist before she does and pull the hand that I am still holding so that she is crushed against my chest. I don't notice that I am holding her so close, closer than I allow people to be. All I can smell is her hair, the sweet sent of her shampoo. I reach up with the hand that is not holding her to me and touch her face. She has such a pure face. When I ask her if she is ok, I can't help but touch her bottom lip waiting for her response. I look into her eyes, and I can see the desire there. I wish so badly at this moment that I wasn't so fucked up. I wish I could just kiss her and let it be normal. But I can't.

** Thank you for reading. Every time I read a story on FF, I see an author mention other stories that they like. So here is one that I think is great. The author updates often and has a very interesting plot that follows FSOG after Freed. Check it out!**

**Fifty Shades Unfinished**


	3. Final's Week

**Thank you to everyone for reading. I hope to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I hope you enjoy!**

Looking down at her, I imagine crushing my mouth into hers. Forcing my tongue into her mouth, exploring. Reaching my hand up the back of her neck into her hair, pulling, forcing her face up to me so I can delve further into her mouth. Then I come back to reality. I take a deep breath and shake my head to expel my thoughts of her beautiful mouth. When I open my eyes, I realize who she thinks I am. _You are not the good guy. You cannot be her Prince Charming._ She doesn't understand what I am capable of, what I really want to do to her.

"Anastasia, you should steer clear of me. I am not the man for you." Saying these words hurt. I can't stand letting her go, even now I am still holding her to my chest. But I know she is not ready for me, for what I want.

"Breathe, Anastasia, breathe. I'm going to stand you up and let you go." Again, these words pull at my chest, the place where my heart should be. As I let her go, I hold her at arms length, making sure that she can stand on her own. I can't believe what just happened. I felt something. I wanted to kiss her. I've never wanted to just kiss a woman.

As she stands and regains her bearings, she seems to be upset. I am not sure if she is upset with herself or me. When she thanks me, I am again confused. Is it for coffee? She clarifies that it is for saving her. Suddenly I am struck by the thought of what would have happened had I not been standing here. She would have been seriously injured. The cyclist was not obeying traffic laws! _Calm down Grey! She is fine. No need to have the cyclist put in jail._ I ask her back to the hotel, I want to make sure that she is okay.

Suddenly, she is off. She crosses the street in a hurry. It is all I can do to not catch up to her and force her to stop. I follow her a couple of pacing behind. When we reach the hotel, she thanks me for the photo shoot, but she doesn't look me in the eye.

I call out to her. I want to tell her how I feel. _How do you feel Grey? Do you have feelings? You don't want her; you just want to abuse her. To treat her like she is your crack-whore mother. To punish her the way you wish you could have punished the crack-whore._

When she responds, it's like one of my whips. The words sting as they reach me. I didn't realize how words could hurt like that. When she said my name, it felt vial. I can only mutter for her to have luck with her exams. Again, when she thanks me, the words prick at my skin. I know that she is being sarcastic. How does she get me to feel this way?

Once, she is out of sight, I try to regain my composure. It is not like me to have these types of conversations on the street. _What do you expect, Grey? You let her in. You let her get into your head. Stop playing with this woman. You know that she will never truly love you. No one can love you. She deserves a prince, a night in shinning armor. You are not good enough for her._

After several deep breaths, I am able to go back to my hotel room. Taylor has packed everything and placed it into the car. The room looks just as it did yesterday when I arrived. Empty. Void of all feeling. _Just like you, Grey._ I call Taylor and ask him to meet me out front.

As I ride the elevator down, I think about this morning. Dammit, I need to find another sub. Maybe Elena has some people in mind. I get into the car and open my laptop. I need to get some work done and stop thinking about Anastasia.

The drive back to Seattle is uneventful. Hell, the following days are uneventful. Elena is too busy opening a new location of the chain salons to deal with me. So I am stuck thinking about this woman who doesn't even realize how much I want her. I decide to do something for her. I am not sure how she will take it. But I don't really care. I need to reach out to her, to make contact in some way. I call Taylor and tell him the type of books I want. All first edition, all in as close to mint condition as possible. And I want them there by Friday.

On Wednesday, I meet with Dr. Flynn. It's time to tell him everything and get his opinion. This should be fun. Our session starts normally. He asks me how I am doing picturing my life in the future. What am I doing to make that life a reality? The only problem is that I can't picture a future any different than the way that I am living now. This is a sticking point for him. Flynn insists that there must be something that I want to change. That is when I finally decide to tell him about Anastasia.

I start rambling on about how much I think about her. How she makes me think I feel something, something more than just wanting to punish her. How she surprises me with the things she likes. How she is not like other women her age. How, when I held her to my chest, it didn't register that she was touching me. How the smell of her hair, just the scent, made me relax. How her touch seems to travel through my veins.

Finally, Flynn stops me. He is just sitting here with a smirk on his face shaking his head. I ask him, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"This is different, Christian. This woman, she seems to be getting to you. How does that make you feel?" He answers.

"It makes me feel like I don't have control. I need to have control. I need to have control over her." I reply.

"Why do you need to have control over her?" Flynn asks.

"Because. Because I just do, okay?" and with that, our session is over.

On Thursday, I realize that Anastasia's last exams are tomorrow. She will be getting her gift. I wonder if she will call me when she gets them. Does she still have my number? Should I include it on the card? _Shut up, Grey! Stop obsessing over this woman. You are sending her a gift. That is enough! If she wants to see you again, this will get the ball rolling. If not, MOVE ON!_

I decided to see if Elliot wants to take a trip with me. When I give him a call and invite him to Portland for the weekend, he is ecstatic. I'm sure he knows that it is the last week of exams, and all of the college coeds are going to be out in full force this weekend. I let him know I will pick him up Tomorrow around 1 in the afternoon so we can ride together and get caught up.

Then I call Taylor, I tell him I am going to Portland again this weekend. But I will need two rooms, one for Elliot. He asks if he is driving us, and I reply, "Yes." And that is the end of the phone call. He understands everything he needs to do and get accomplished before then.

That evening, Mrs. Jones, my housekeeper/chef/everything around the home, makes dinner as usual and then disappears. I know that Taylor probably told her that I am going to Portland again this weekend and she wants to give me space to pack. I am anxious about Anastasia getting her gift. I placed a hand written note on it that is a quote from one of the books. The quote is about danger and being warned. _Why do you have to give her something and at the same time warn her of danger? You are going to confuse the poor woman as much as you have confused yourself with this whole thing._

The next day, I go into my office only to make sure there is no loose strings that would make me cut my Portland trip short. Anastasia doesn't even know that I am coming to Portland. And I can't tell Elliot the real reason that I am going.

I arrive at Elliot's promptly at 1pm. Once he is in the car, we are off. I open a couple of beers and we relax into easy conversation. Once we arrive at the Heathman, Elliot and I head to the bar. I know that Taylor will take care of the luggage and the rooms. Once we are seated for dinner, I start to worry that Anastasia never got the books that I sent her. She has not called. I consider calling Andrea, my assistant, to make sure that she sent them correctly. But, if I can't trust her after all this time, she should be fired. Elliot looks at me quizzically as the thought of Anastasia receiving the books goes through my head. When I don't offer him an answer to my odd expression, he lets it drop. He knows I am in my own head a lot. After dinner, we talk casually about his work and mine.

At around 11pm, my phone rings. Elliot and I are both surprised. Me because I made sure everything was taken care of at work before I left today, Elliot because I usually put my phone on silent during a meal. Eating is always the most important. When I check the caller id, it reads Anastasia Steele. I immediately answer.

"Anastasia?" This is very odd for her to call me this late, or even at all. She asks about the books. _So she did get them! _But she sounds like something is wrong. When I ask her, she turns it around on me, calling me strange. _Oh, baby, if you only know how strange I was._ It finally occurs to me that she is drunk. When she becomes evasive with answering my questions, I start to get upset. _Doesn't she know not to go out and get drunk in a bar? Doesn't she realize what can happen?_ My heart starts to race as I think about all the ways this could go wrong for her tonight. When she refuses to tell me were she is and hangs up on me I am almost irate. Elliot looks at me from across the table as I get up. He follows asking what just happened, I blow him off and call Welch.

"Welch." He answers

"I need a trace on Anastasia Steele, now!" I reply.

"One moment, sir."

Once he gives me the address of the bar, I turn to Elliot. "Want to go to a bar with a bunch of drunk coeds?" I say. The mere mention of drunk coeds and he has forgotten all about the one sided conversation he just heard. When we get to the lobby Taylor is there waiting. I tell him the address and he understands I want to get there now. When we get into the call I call Anastasia back. I tell her I am coming to get her and hang up. She does not deserve the right to speak to me right now.

When we arrive at the bar, I quickly walk in scanning the room. Elliot is right behind me. I spot Miss Kavanagh, but Anastasia is not with her. When I walk up, she regards me coolly. I ask about Anastasia, and she directs me outside. I can tell by the way she looks at Elliot that he will not be going far from her.

The moment I step outside, I see her. Mr. Rodriguez is holding her, tracing his lips on her jaw. I can hear her tell him to stop, so I step in. The moment that she is released, she begins to vomit. When I look at Jose, he takes the hint and scurries back inside. _Fucking vermin! How dare he fucking touch her! I ought to beat the shit out of him just for forcing himself on her to that extent!_ As I hold Anastasia's hair out of the way as she continues to dry heave. Once she is able to speak, she apologizes. _For what? For almost getting raped? For drunk dialing me? Hell, for getting so fucking drunk to begin with? _When she finally looks up at me, I can't help but feel sorry for her. Does she not know how to hold her liquor? I try to make her feel better by telling her that everyone has been through this. When she tells me that this is the first time, I understand her actions a bit more. If she were a veteran at this, she wouldn't be killing the flowers.

When she starts to lose her footing I pick her up to carry her to the car. She is insistent on letting Kate know. _Why do you need to let her know anything? She is not looking out for you. She let you almost get mauled by the photographer._ I reluctantly lead her back into the bar. She begins questioning how I found her. She really doesn't know how controlling I am yet. I immediately take her to the bar and get her a glass of water. Once she has drunk all of it, we go off in search for my brother and Miss Kavanagh. I realize that I am going to have to get her across the dance floor to where they are. I pull her close to me again and dance our way through the crowd. If she was not so drunk, and I was not so royally pissed off, I may enjoy dancing with her._ What the fuck, Grey? Enjoy dancing with her? Who the fuck do you think you are? You want to be her dom, not her boyfriend!_ We arrive to where Miss Kavanagh is gyrating her ass on my brother. I lean to my brother, with out letting go of Anastasia, and tell him I am taking her back to the hotel. Elliot waves to us bye. As I pull Anastasia off of the dance floor and back towards the door, she begins to pass out.

"Fuck!" I say as I catch her before she hits the floor. Then Taylor is right there, helping me get people out of the way so that I can get to the car. He opens the door for me to get in with her. Once he is inside, he asks where he is going. I tell him back to the Heathman. His mouth goes into a hard line as he begins to drive. _Am I really taking her back to my hotel?_ I watch her as she sleeps in my lap. She looks so peaceful.

When we arrive at the Heathman, I take her up to my room. I lay her in bed and begin undressing her. I first take off her shoes and socks. Then I realize that I am going to have to take off her jeans, they have vomit all over them. Once they are off, I decide that she is sufficiently undressed and can sleep in peace. I undress and get into my pajama bottoms. Once I am in bed, I find that I don't want to sleep. I just want to lie next to her and watch her.

_Who the hell are you? You don't let women sleep in your bed! There is a whole other adjoining room that she can sleep in! You are not in control of yourself Grey! You need to have a serious conversation with Flynn!_

**Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think so far. I am going to try and write a fast as I can. Hopefully a couple of chapters a week. Let me know what you think of Christian!**

**-Cookie**


	4. Elevator Ride

**I hope to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I hope you enjoy!**

I wake up early in the morning. I am surprised that I was not up earlier. I try to recall, but don't think I had any nightmares. That's very odd, I've had nightmares for as long as I can remember. I look over and Anastasia is still sleeping soundly. I take a moment and just look at her. The curve of her nose, the line of her lips. She really is breathtaking. _Stop obsessing, Grey! You are becoming a stalker._ I get out of bed and decide to go work off some of my frustration in the gym. On my way I call Taylor. I let him know that Miss Steele will need some new clothes, all new clothes. I tell him her measurements. I have made it my business to know Anastasia Steele, and now it is coming in handy.

When I get to the gym, I start to remember how she ended up in my bed to begin with. I find myself getting angry all over again. _How could she let herself get into that situation?_ I do my best to get lost in my workout, but it is still not enough to touch the edge of my anger.

I get back to the room and decide to order breakfast. But I have no idea what she eats. I tell the desk that I want some of everything and an egg white omelet for myself. They give me a time frame and the call is over. I get my blackberry off the table and text Elliot. I wonder if last night was everything Miss Kavanagh had hoped for. I let him know that Anastasia is still with me at the hotel and I will be dropping her off at the apartment. I would assume he would be leaving from there with me.

When I enter the bedroom, I notice that Taylor has returned with the clothes and placed them on the chair. Miss Steele is awake and has drank the orange juice from the nightstand and taken the Advil. When I regard her, I try to keep my voice pleasant. _What I wouldn't give to be able to beat her right now. To show her what type of punishment can follow a reckless night like that. Oh, it would be sweet. Then to sink my hard penis slowly into her, to punish her from behind, so I could see the marks that I left on her._

When she responds it pulls me out of my thoughts. She begins to ask questions about last night, so I sit close enough to reach out and touch her, but I don't. I know if I touch her right now, I will not be able to stop. I answer her questions as she runs through how she got here, how she got undressed. It's when she asked me if we slept together that I am taken back. _I may be a sicko, but not that kind of sicko._ I let her know that necrophilia is not a hobby of mine.

When she apologizes, I can help but smile. I try not to let her see, but she is good at making me let my guard down. _That is because you let her, Grey. _When she snaps about not need rescuing, and being tracked down, I remember that she is strong willed. I not so kindly point out her encounter with the photographer, and defend my tracking of her. Anyone can track a cell phone now. It's called technology, but she doesn't need to know how much I track her. That's between Welch and I.

She tries to make light of the situation and calls me a knight. I am not a knight dear. If I were, I wouldn't be the good kind. _No, Grey. The things you want to do to that pure pale flesh, you would not be a good knight._

She tells me that she didn't eat last night, and I have an over whelming feeling of anger. Why am I angry? _Remember, she is not yours. You cannot control her, Grey!_ I tell her about the importance of eating before you drink massive quantities of alcohol. I try and relate the dangers that go with getting that drunk. When I tell her that she wouldn't be able to sit for a week, I know she doesn't understand what I mean. _Oh, Grey. You really want to beat this woman, don't you? You can almost taste it, can't you? Can you hear the whip as it strikes her skin? Or maybe it is a paddle this time. Do you think she would be up for canning?_ She remarks that she was with Kate. Kate? Who let her leave with me without so much as a second glance? Did she already forget that the photographer was there too, accosting her? She thinks he is harmless, I think he needs to be taught a lesson. You don't put your hands on what is mine. _She is not yours, Grey!_

I finally decide that this conversation if over and ask her if she would like to shower before me. _What I wouldn't give to be able to shower with her. To be able to feel her body, wet with soap. Feel my hands glide over her skin. _I realize that the look on my face has caused her to stop breathing. I remind her again to breathe as I stroke her cheek and run my thumb across her lower lip. I tell her breakfast will be here in 15 minutes.

Once in the shower, I turn the water as hot as it will go. I need to feel something, something that I have control over. I have no control over myself since I met Miss Steele. As I scrub the gym off of me, I think back to how she looked sleeping. When I finish, I wrap the towel around my waist as usual, and make my way back to the bedroom. I see that Anastasia is up. She seems to be looking for something, and then I remember that I sent her clothes to the laundry. I tell her she has clean clothes in the bag on the chair.

When she goes into the bathroom, I shake my head. She seems so naive sometimes. I dress in a white linen shirt and pants. I make my way to the living room and set up my laptop to do some work. When breakfast arrives, I knock on the bathroom door to let Anastasia know. I go back out and begin to eat my omelet.

When Anastasia emerges from the bedroom, I take a quick breath in. _Damn, what I wouldn't give to destroy the clothes Taylor just bought_. She mentions Kate, and I let her know that I've already texted Elliot and everything is fine. I order her to sit at the table with me so she can eat something. I smile awkwardly as I try to explain all of the food. When she decides on something to eat, I return to my meal. I offer her tea, and notice that her hair is dripping wet still. She can get very sick from that.

It is polite of her to thank me for the clothes, but when she offers to pay me back for them, I simply will not hear it. She also makes mention of not accepting the books. This will just not due. When she asks about why I sent the books, I have a hard time explaining. I am not used to feeling bad for the way that I act, or how I want things. I try again to warn her, but end up telling her how much I can't stay away from her. _How does she do this to me? Why am I telling her any of this? I do not like reveling anything about how I am feeling. It's probably because I don't have feelings._

When she tells me not to stay away from her, it takes everything I have not to go across the table and force her to the floor. She doesn't understand what I am, what I want, what I can do to her. It is amusing when she asks if I am celibate. _Oh, baby, I am very far from celibate. I would really like to show you how far._

I ask her about her plans for the next few days. I need to get her to Escala. I need to show her what I am about. I need her in my playroom. She says she is working and packing. Her and Miss Kavanagh are moving to Seattle, and not too far from my place. I ask her about work, only to find out that she never did apply at GEH. I am not sure how I feel about that. Is my company not good enough for her? _Don't be dumb, Grey! If she worked for you, then you definitely couldn't make her your new sub. _

She smirks as she regards my company. _What I would love to do to wipe that smirk off of her face._ As I ask her, she bites her bottom lip. _Fuck! I want that lip in my mouth! I want it around my dick._ I warn her about biting her lip and I can see how it my threat affects her. Then she goads me. She has the nerve to tell me to go ahead and bite her lip myself. _I can start to feel her words making me hard. I want her so bad, I need her to make me release._ _No! Not until she knows everything!_

I tell her that she will give me written consent before I will touch her. I'll show her, the sooner the better. She surprises me when she says that she wants to 'become informed' tonight. _Oh, the things this woman does to me. _I make plans with her to pick her up from work this evening. I have Taylor arrange Charlie Tango so I can take her from Portland to Seattle. It will be much faster, and if she signs everything tonight, we will still have time to get started. _I suddenly feel anxious with showing her everything. What if she doesn't like it? What if she wants to leave?_ I make sure that she has the option to go back to Portland if she wishes. I figure we should get there around 9-9:30. She will have seen everything by 11. I'll have my backup pilot waiting from 10:30 on, just in case.

When I am finished on the phone with Taylor, I end the call. For some reason Anastasia finds this curious. They are my employees, I don't have to say thank you. It's their job to do as I ask. I tell Anastasia about the helicopter. I can tell that she is excited. But when I see her plate barely touched, I remind her to eat. Does she not understand that there are so many children out there who starve? Children like I was, that had no food at all to eat. _Stop it, Grey. That part of your life is over. You are never going back there._

When she begins laughing, I am curious as to her thoughts, but she just shakes her head and resumes eating. Once she is finished, I inform her that we will leave once she has dried her hair. She gets up to go to the bedroom when she stops to ask me about where I slept last night. It was very weird to sleep with someone in my bed. Although, I have never had sex with anyone in my bed either. _Hm…_

I continue to read the paper until she is finished getting ready. My phone rings before she comes back out and it is Ros. One of the items with Darfur has hit a bit of a snag. I am still on the phone with Anastasia emerges from the bedroom. I notice that her hair is not completely dry, but I say nothing. When I finish my conversation with my 2nd in command at GEH, I ask if we are ready to leave.

I pick up my jacket and car keys as I lead the way out of the room. When we get to the door, I open it for Miss Steele to allow her through first. As we walk to the elevators, I can't help but fight the urge to reach for her hand. _Don't start Grey! You know you won't be able to let go._

Standing in front of the elevator bay, I am reminded of the last time we took these elevators down. I glance down at her to see her peaking up at me through her lashes. I can't help but let a smile creep across my lips.

When the elevator arrives, we step in. From the moment that the door closes, I feel like we are magnets being drawn together. I can't fight it any longer, I have to have her. "Fuck the paperwork, " I say as I turn towards her. I push her up against the wall. I move fast enough to grab both of her hands before she realizes. I pin them above her head in one of my hands. I push against her hips with mine, using them to force her against the wall. I reach behind her neck, grabbing her hair. I pull so that her face turns up to mine. Finally, what I have been wanting for over a week, I let my lips feel hers. I let them push against her soft lips slowly. When she moans, her lips part so slightly and I seize the moment. I push my tongue into her mouth. I finally taste her, and its amazing. I want more. I have to have her. I have to possess her. I can feel how timid she is when she kisses me. She is not used to someone being so rough with her, but I can't help it. I need her.

I feel myself start to get hard and I have to stop. I release the back of her hair and slide my hand to cup her chin. I tell her, "You. Are. So. Sweet." Each word holds so much meaning. She has to know. When the elevator stops, I pull away. Three men get on and I immediately go cold again. They can't see the passion that I have for this woman next to me. My face turns into a calm coolness. I still feel her next to me, I can feel her looking at me. When I risk a glance down at her, I have to let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

When the other men exit the elevator, I regard her. I discover that she used my toothbrush. How does she do that? She is so brave and continues to amaze me at every turn. When we exit the elevator on the first floor, I can't help but shake my head and smile again. "What is it about elevators?"

**Thank you everyone for reading. Let me know what you think!**

**-Cookie**


	5. Red Room of Pain

**Thank you to everyone that has added me/FSOC to their alerts and subscriptions. I hope to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I hope you enjoy!**

As we get to the car, I open Anastasia's door. I'm nothing if not a gentleman. _You are no gentlemen, Grey. You just know how to act._ When I get in the car, I start to think about what this could mean. I just broke another rule: Always have an NDA. But now that I've had a taste of her, I don't know if I can every truly let her go. I must have more. But what if she walks away after she sees everything tonight? What if she sees me for the monster that I am?

When she asks about the music, I am transported to a place where I am normal. Where I don't have a fucked up past. I smile, relaxing into the drive. It's not often that I can turn off my self-loathing and just enjoy a moment. As we drive, she questions my musical taste. I mention Thomas Tallis. _Why did you mention him? You know what his music makes you think of._ When I offer to play it for her sometime, the scene starts building in my head.

_She is wearing only her bra, her breast pulled over the top. I have her strapped to my cross, or should it be the bed? What instrument should I use? How many times can she handle being brought to the brink of orgasm, only to be denied?_

We continue to talk about Tallis until I need to get the thoughts out of my head, so I change it to Kings of Leon. When I phone rings, I am taken back to reality. My reality, full of contracts, NDA's, crack-whore mothers, and never being good enough. It's Welch, he can just email me the information. Then, Andrea calls. The NDA is ready for Miss Steele. Thankfully I will not have to wait very much longer to hand it to her. Next, Elliot calls. His outlandish way of greeting me is not amusing! _No you fucker, I did not get laid. If you only know the steps I had to take before I can do what I want to do with Miss Steele._ When Elliot confirms that he will be leaving with me, I suddenly feel sad. I don't want my time with Anastasia to end. _If everything goes as planned Grey, that won't be a problem after tonight. _

Anastasia tries to correct me about her name. _Oh no, Miss Steele, I don't use nicknames for my subs._ As we pull up outside of her apartment, I decided that I should address my actions in the elevator. That can't happen again, unless its part of a scene. _Hm… What kind of scene could I create that starts in my elevator?_ I get out and go to open her door.

As she exits she makes a comment about liking what happened in the elevator. _Does she know what she is talking about? Did she just tell me that she likes it rough? God, I hope she likes it a lot rougher that that. I really would not mind taking her to her bedroom right now. I am sure that I could find a way to tie her down. Face down, putting pillows under her stomach to that her ass is lifted up off of the bed. Slowly teasing her with my tongue, barley touching her sex. Then when she is dripping wet, slam into her._ I let out a quick breath to expel the thought. _Not yet, Grey. You need your damned NDA signed first._

As we enter the apartment, I am struck by how lively it seems. _Of course it is! Two women in college have more personality that a multi-millionaire. _As Miss Kavanagh stands to greet Anastasia, she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. _What's wrong Katherine? Afraid of what I am going to do to sweet, sweet friend of yours?_ She calls me by Christian. _Did you tell her to call you by Christian? No? Then why does she think it is acceptable? For someone who grew up with money and a formal education, she surely has forgotten proper edict when in the company of someone like myself._ When Elliot greets Anastasia, she begins biting her lower lip. _Why does she do that?_ The thought of taking her into her bedroom flashes through my head again. I tell Elliot that we should get going. Otherwise, I may lose control again. Elliot pulls Miss Kavanagh into an obscene kiss, I look at Anastasia to avoid them. She is blushing, looking down at her feet. _She really is innocent._ When she glances up at me, I can't look away from her eyes, they see through any guard that I have up. When she narrows them, its like she can hear what I am thinking if she concentrates enough. When Elliot is finally finished, I can't help but roll my eyes. I let a small smile roll across my lips as I think about the kiss in the elevator. I reach up to tuck her hair away from her face. _You just had to touch her, didn't you Grey?_ When she pushes her face into my hand, I can't help but run my thumb across her bottom lip. She tasted so sweet, so pure. _Leave now!_ I pull my hand away, and give her Elliot's departing line. He really does know how to woo a woman. After I tell Anastasia what time I will be picking her up, Elliot and I are out the door.

As we walk to the car, Elliot slaps me on the shoulder. His goofy smile is contagious. I can't help but to laugh back at him. When we get in the car, we decide to go to lunch. He doesn't seem to have eaten any breakfast. _Your brother is a grown man, older than you no less. He can decide when and what he wants to eat. You don't have to feed him._ When we sit down at a local diner, Elliot goes into all of the details of the previous night after we left.

It's amusing to find out that the photographer never rejoined the group. _Good. Slime-ball! _Elliot and Kate stayed at the bar for a few more hours until they decided to take a cab back to her place. I stop Elliot once he gets to the part about going to the apartment. I really don't care to know any more about his sex life than I already do. Lunch and dinner pass uneventfully. Between the two, Elliot and I go for a hike. I have always loved being active. _You love being active all right! _I do a little work before dinner and Elliot leaves around 6 to go see Miss Kavanagh.

At 6:30pm, I call Taylor to ensure that everything has been taken care of. I decide to go to the gym to try and work off some of this anxiety I am feeling about tonight. _What if she does say yes? What if she completely agrees?_ I am not sure that I want her to completely agree. _You don't want a new sub? _I do, but I also want her, the way that she is. Full of questions, life, blushing at every turn._ You don't deserve her the way she is, Grey. You don't deserve a life that is so pure._ When I have finished beating myself up at the gym, I go back to my room to get ready.

We arrive at 8:20 to Clayton's. I couldn't help but be early, I don't want to miss a minute. When Anastasia walks out of the store, I can't help but to jump out of my seat to greet her and open her door. _Why am I so… giddy? That can't be what I am feeling._ When I get back in the car, I reach over and take her hand in mine. I have touch her at every opportunity. I was not lying when I told Flynn that her touch goes straight to my veins.

We pass the time to Charlie Tango by talking about our days. I can't help but to feel relaxed with her. I let my thumb graze across her knuckles and think about all of the possibilities if she were to say yes. We pull up to the building that Charlie Tango is perched on top of. Taylor opens her door, and I let myself out so I can be by her side.

Once I am next to her, I take her hand in mine and ask her if she is ready. I dismiss Taylor and look into her eyes. She looks so excited. Her joy is contagious, and I find myself smiling as we walk. Once inside the building, I feel the current running from her body to mine and back increasing. I look down at her, and see her remember this morning in the elevator. Sometimes, its so easy to tell what she is thinking, and others its not. I let her know that this ride is only 3 floors. Far to short for what I want to do.

When we board the elevators, the tension is too strong. I have to fight with myself not to take her right here. _Wouldn't you like to pin her hands behind her back? Twist that braid around your wrist so you can control her every movement? Does she deserve to be allowed to cum? Or do you want her on her knees? To see her pale flesh looking up at you. To feel her take you fully in her mouth._ When the elevator dings for the roof, I am brought back to the present.

I release my tightening grip on her hand; I hadn't even realized that I was squeezing it. _That's what happens when she makes you wait._ I lead her into the flight office, and see Joe awaiting my arrival. Joe really is a sweet man. He never has a harsh thing to say about anyone.

Once I have everything I need, I lead Anastasia out to Charlie Tango. She is a beauty. When I bought her, I made sure that she was the safest helicopter out there. Her instrument panel is specially designed for low light, or night flying. Besides being able to seat my entire family, I have never had a sub on her. _First time for everything!_

I put her in the co-pilot/first officers chair and order her not to touch a thing. She does as I ask and sits still while I strap her in. The harness is a 4-point harness. It connects each shoulder and both sides of the legs to a buckle near her stomach._ She can at least take orders. And damn, what I wouldn't give to be able to strap her up like this in my playroom. I wonder if I can get a chair with this type of harness online._

When I look back up at her after she is secured, she has stopped breathing. I run my hand down her cheek, reminding her, yet again, to breathe. When my hand reaches her chin, I hold it, and give her a quick kiss. _I know you want more, Grey! Take it! She can't run from you now. This is even better than the elevator, her breasts are right there, waiting for you._

I forget my thoughts and move over to my seat. I get myself strapped into my harness and begin my preflight checks. I have always loved flying because I am in absolute control. As I make sure that we are ready, and safe, I turn to Anastasia to have her put on her head set. This way we can talk to each other without having all of the noise from the air and the blades. When we are almost ready to go, she asks if this is safe. _Oh baby, I wouldn't dare touch you while I am flying, too dangerous. I about the only time you are safe from me. This is when you are eating._ I can't help but wink at her as these thoughts run through my head.

When I receive clearance from the Portland tower for take off, they also give me the altitude that I need to get to and the direction of travel before I call back for more instructions. I slowly pull back on the stick and we smoothly rise into the air. As we make our way to Seattle, I explain a little about flying. I see her flush in the seat next to me as we travel. I ask her what is wrong, but do I really want to know? I won't let anything distract me as I fly.

I point out Seattle as we approach. We fall into an easy conversation, it's nice to have her here with me. It feels easy, simple. After I tell her that she is the first 'romantic interest' that I have had in Charlie Tango she seems amazed. She is so beautiful when her eyes light up like that. When she calls me Christian for the first time, it feels normal. Unlike like most people, it doesn't put me off. _That is because you think you have feelings. Don't forget why you are bringing her to your home. To show her all of the things that you want to do to the pretty pale flesh._

We continue our easy conversation as we approach Escala. She is so pure, the excitement that she is exuding is captivating. When I set the helicopter down on the roof of my building, I shut her down. I go through all of my post flight checks and take off my headset as I reach over and take off Anastasia's.

Suddenly, I am filled with dread and anxiety. What if she says no? What if she runs screaming from my home? As I unbuckle her harness, I remind her that she doesn't have to do anything, she can leave at any time. I can tell by her answer that she is scared. She has no idea what she is getting herself into.

When I exit, I wait for her to follow. It's very windy up here so I wrap my arm around her and pull her close to me. I can smell her hair she is so close. We make our way to the elevator, once inside, I still don't let her go. I am so scared that she will leave soon. _She is just a sub, Grey! Nothing else! If she walks, there are plenty more that you don't have to train, just waiting for you._

When we exit the elevator into my lobby, I know Mrs. Jones is upstairs in her wing and Taylor is bringing my back up pilot from Portland to Seattle. I need him to stand by, incase Miss Steele bolts. As we enter the front room, I can see Anastasia's eyes widen as she takes everything in. _Yes dear, I have money._ She declines my offer to take her jacket, but accepts the white wine. I need her to relax some. But not get drunk.

When I hand her a glass, I notice that all color has drained from her face. _What did I do? I haven't even gotten to the heavy shit yet._ As I try to figure out what is wrong, she starts asking me about my home. Yes, my home is big. _You will see some of my more private rooms shortly, I hope. _Yes, I play the piano. Yes, there are something's I can't do. _Like feel. Tell her Christian, stop dragging this all out._

When I ask her to sit, I take her hand and lead her to the couch. We sit, and I see a small smile play across her lips. What is it that she finds so amusing? She wants to know about the books? _Books? Now? Get on with it, Grey! _Fine, we will discuss the books. I thought that giving her the choice of the high road, or the degrading path would help me see where she might take me. She chooses the degrading. I am shocked. _Take her, Grey! Take her to your playroom, show her what type of depravation she can look forward to._ And to top it all off she starts biting her lip. Fuck me Anastasia! _Get her the NDA now, Grey! _

I hand her the NDA, and try to explain what it means. I am always a bit embarrassed during this part. Asking a woman to say that she will not tell anyone anything, before they know anything is always uncomfortable.

She signs. _Holy fuck! Step one complete. Get her in your playroom!_ When she admits that she wouldn't talk to anyone anyway, I know she has no clue what she is getting into. I know I talk to my lawyer, but he has an NDA as well. _Fuck, Grey, who have you not given an NDA too?_

She wants me to make love to her. I can't make love. I don't feel love. _You don't deserve love! You never will. That's why you punish women._ I need to set things straight with her. I have never made love. I only fuck, hard. _Very hard!_ There is a whole other contact she needs to sign, and she still need to see the playroom. As I tell her, and lead her to it, she mentions a game consol. _Oh no baby, no games here. _I can only laugh, she will find out soon enough.

Before I open the door, I remind her that Charlie Tango is waiting to take her Portland. She can leave at any point in time. I want her to know that she is still free. I unlock the door and step back to allow her in. I hold my breath as she takes in her surroundings. _Please, baby, don't leave. Stay! Let me have fun with you!_

**Again, thank you for reading. I try to respond to every review personally. **

**-Cookie**


	6. You're What!

**Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate the feedback and encouragement. I am going to try and make the chapters a bit more in depth, so it may take me more time. I still hope to do at least 2 chapters a week. I hope to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

As she walks into the room, I let my mind sink into its depths. I watch her as she takes in each item. She seems to be slowly eyeing all of them. _She is going to run, Grey. This is too much for her pure heart. You are too much! I hope you enjoyed your stolen kisses and incomplete scenes._

She turns and regards me. She eyes piercing my thoughts. _She knows what you want to do to her now._ I still can't tell what she is thinking. Her face seems to encompass so many different emotions. When I see her fingertips run over the flogger, I try to gauge her reaction when I tell her what it is. Her face is still unreadable.

I command her to say something, anything, just to get it over with.

"Do you do this to people, or do they do it to you?" she answers.

Questions? I don't think I have ever been happier to hear her ask a question. These questions I willingly answer. _She is not going to run? Maybe you will get a new sub after all._

"People?" I ask. Is this her way of asking me if I am gay again? "I do this to women who want me to."

"If you have willing volunteers, why am I here?" she responds.

"Because I want to do this with you, very much." I answer. Oh, if she only knew the things I have been planning since she fell into my office over a week ago.

"Oh."

I see her gasp as what I am saying registers. She walks away from me, to my spanking bench. As she runs her hands across it, I picture her sweet ass being as red as the leather covering it.

"You're a sadist?" she asks.

"I'm a dominant." I reply. _Go ahead and tell her, Grey. Yes, you are a sadist. You enjoy punishing women. You enjoy degrading them, making them beg you, controlling their every move._

As I explain to her what a dominant is, I see a frown from on her face. She doesn't understand why anyone would want to be dominated. I feel a smile slowly forming on my lips. She should want to please me; she will want to please me. I can already see it in her eyes. _Will she sub for you, let you command her every move? How far will she let you go?_

"How do I do that?" she asks in regards to pleasing me. _See, Grey, she is already hooked._

As I explain about the rules, the rewards and punishments, she looks to the canes. Is she scared of them? Does she want to try them? _You would love to use them on her, wouldn't you?_ I do my best to explain what type of relationship this is. _Can you call it a relationship?_ When I tell her that the only thing she will get out of this agreement is me, I can't read her face. This getting very frustrating, I can't stand not knowing what is going on in her head. I need to get out of this room. I can't see her with all of these things without thinking of how I want to use them on her.

As I hold my hand out to her to leave the room, I see a glimmer of fear cross her face. "I am not going to hurt you, Anastasia." _Yet. But you want to. You want to so bad, you can't stop picturing her with the little red whelps from the whips that line your wall._ When she finally takes my hand, I lead her out of the room. I decide to take her to my sub's room. Maybe showing her some more of the perks that come with being my sub will help her make up her mind.

"This will be your room. You can decorate it as you like, have whatever you like in here."

"My room? You're expecting me to move in?" she responds. I can see the horror cross her face. Why is she scared now, of this? This is the easy part.

"Not full time. Just, say, Friday evening through Sunday. We have to talk about all of that, negotiate. If you want to do this." As I say the words, I am suddenly hit with the thought that she may still say no. She can't say no. _She is too good for you, Grey._

"I'll sleep here?" she asks.

"Yes." Where else would she sleep?

"Not with you?" Oh, Anastasia, my sweet, naive Anastasia. I don't sleep with people. Last night was special, you were drunk.

"Where do you sleep?"

"My room is downstairs. Come, you must be hungry." I need to get a clear head, food helps everything.

"Weirdly, I seem to have lost my appetite."

"You must eat, Anastasia." I take her hand and lead her back downstairs. How is it that she can be so clueless as to what not eating can do to her. Malnutrition is not a joke.

I leave her in the living room as I go to the kitchen to make something. I ask her if she has any questions. _You only have one, Grey. When can you start?_ I try to keep the conversation moving as I arrange food. I need to keep my mind occupied and out of my playroom.

"You've signed your NDA; you can ask me anything you want and I'll answer." I see her just standing in the middle of the room, watching me. What is she waiting for? Her chance to run? I order her to sit, and she does as she is told.

"You mentioned paperwork." That is not a question.

"Yes."

"What paperwork?" There is it. I'm going to have a lot of work to do with this one, both in and outside of the playroom.

"Well, apart from the NDA, a contract saying what we will and won't do. I need to know your limits, and you need to know mine. This is consensual, Anastasia."

"And if I don't want to do this?" _What the hell just happened? She was almost onboard upstairs. What changed? What did you do, Grey?_

"That's fine." I say this very carefully. I hide the panic that I am feeling in my chest. Why do I want her so bad?

"But we won't have any sort of relationship?"

"No." _There you go, Grey. Stand your ground. This is the only thing that you can do. You can't be everything to her; you can only be her dom._

"Why?"

"This is the only sort of relationship I'm interested in." She has to understand this by now. This is all that I can do. This is the only way I can handle any touch, and affection. I have to be able to punish her.

"Why?"

"It's the way I am." Is she twelve? Are we playing the why game? What does she not understand?

"How did you become this way?"

I respond the same why I did when she interviewed me. She doesn't need to know how fucked up I am. I quickly change the subject to food. My past is not up for discussion. It never will be.

"What are your rules that I have to follow?"

"I have them written down. We'll go through them once we've eaten."

"I'm not really hungry."

"You will eat." This again? She needs to eat. Once she has signed, this disobedience will not be a problem anymore. "Would you like another glass of wine?"

After I pour her another glass of wine, I sit on a stool next to her at the breakfast bar. Once she starts eating, she continues with her questions.

"Have you been like this for awhile?"

"Yes."

"Is it easy to find women who want to do this?"

"You'd be amazed." There no shortage of women who want me to beat them. It's easy to pick the ones that will work out the best. Some women like things much worse than what I want. Those women I won't mess with. As much as I don't believe it myself, I like to pretend that I have some limits.

"Then why me? I really don't understand."

I do my best to explain how much I want her, how much I need her to sign. She begins biting her lip as I speak and it almost undoes me. Dammit Anastasia, do you have any clue as to what you are doing to me. It's torturing me to be this close to you without touching you.

"I think you have that cliché the wrong way around," she says. I've noticed that she has stopped eating.

"Eat!" How is this so difficult for her?

"No. I haven't signed anything yet, so I think I'll hang on to me free will for a bit longer, if that's okay with you." She has got a point there. I let a smile fall across my lips. She is smart. _The real question is, is she smart enough to walk out the door?_

"As you wish, Miss Steele."

"How many women?" she asks.

How many woman what? How many women have I had sex with? How many women have dominated me? How many women have I dominated? I decided to answer with how many women I have had in my room upstairs.

"Fifteen."

"For long periods of time?"

What does she consider a long period of time? "Some of them, yes."

"Have you ever hurt anyone?"

Shit. I don't want to scare her. But I can't lie to her either. It wouldn't be fair.

"Yes."

"Badly?"

"No." She fully recovered.

"Will you hurt me?"

That is a fully loaded question.

"What do you mean?"

"Physically, will you hurt me?"

"I will punish you when you require it, and it will be painful." But there will be pleasure too.

"Have you ever been beaten?"

"Yes." The image of Elana crosses my mind. That was fun, while it lasted.

It is starting to get late, and if we are going to play tonight, I need to get this process moving. I lead her into my study, and point to the chair in front of me for her to sit. I hand her the rules so we can begin going over them. I watch her as she reads them. At first she seems calm, but as she continues her eyes grow wider. _This can't be good, Grey! Once she figures out everything you want to do to her, she will surely be out of the door._

"Hard limits?" is the first thing she says.

"Yes. What you won't do, what I won't do, we need to specify in our agreement." I will explain every word to her if it means she will sign.

"I'm not sure about accepting money for clothes. It feels wrong."

Now this is amusing. Most women are more than happy for me to spend money on them. They know they can keep everything I give them. It's one of the perks.

"I want to lavish money on you. Let me buy you some clothes. I may need you to accompany me to functions, and I want you dressed well. I'm sure your salary, when you do get a job, won't cover the kind of clothes I'd like you to wear." _What the fuck are you saying, Grey? You want her to accompany you? To events? You do not go out in public with women, especially subs. What is this woman doing to you?_ But even I can't deny that she should be wearing clothes much better than Wal-Mart and Target. She has the body of a goddess, and I'd be damned if I did not encourage her to have some sort of style.

"I don't have to wear them when I'm not with you?

"No." But why wouldn't you?

"Okay. I don't want to exercise four times a week."

"Anastasia, I need you supple, strong, and with stamina. Trust me, you need to exercise." I'll only be working you out 3 days a week. You need to exercise if you are going to be able to keep up with me.

"But surely not four times a week. How about three."

"I want you to do four." What is she not understanding?

"I thought this was a negotiation?"

"Okay Miss Steele, another point well made. How about an hour on three days and one day half an hour?" This is why I need her. No one has ever challenged me before. I need to control her.

"Three days, three hours. I get the impression you're going to keep me exercised when I'm here."

At the mention of me exercising her, I start to plan my first scene with her. _Are you sure you want to go there, Grey? She can still say no._ I let myself start to smile. "Yes, I am. Okay, agreed. Are you sure you don't want to intern at my company? You're a good negotiator." _Again with offering her a job, Grey? You don't fuck your staff. What has gotten into you?_

"No, I don't think that is a good idea." And again she denies the opportunity to work for me. One day I will have to ask her why she dislikes my company so much.

"So, limits. These are mine." I hand her a paper listing everything I will not do. She keeps her face blank as she reads through them. What I wouldn't give to know what she is thinking. When she finishes reading, I ask, "Is there anything you'd like to add?"

She stares at me with a look of confusion. How was my question confusing? So I ask again, "Is there anything you won't do?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" How does she not know? I gaze at her, and she starts to bite her lip. Oh baby, please, let me do that for you. Just a little more paperwork.

"I've never done anything like this."

No shit! I could have figured that out without this back and forth. "Well, when you've had sex, was there anything you didn't like doing?"

She blushes at my question. What is she thinking? What is it that is making her turn that beautiful shade of scarlet?

"You can tell me, Anastasia. We have to be honest with each other, or this isn't going to work." Still, she says nothing. She just begins to look very uncomfortable in her chair and stares at her hands.

"Tell me!" I am tired of having to ask.

"Well… I haven't had sex before, so I don't know."

I can feel all of the blood drain from my face. What? What did she just say? _What have you done, Grey? She is a virgin! You took a virgin up to your playroom. _No, surely I did not hear her correctly. I must have misunderstood what she was saying. "Never?" She just shakes her head. She can't even look me in the eye.

"You're a virgin?" When she nods in agreement, I am suddenly filled with rage. I close my eyes and slowly count to ten. This can't be happening. I want to scream at her, to punish her for being so pure, so innocent.

When I open my eyes, I can't help but let her see the anger that is coursing through my blood.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

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**Thank you for reading. We all know what comes next…**

**Cookie**


	7. Making Love

**I hope everyone enjoyed the last chapter. I am putting this chapter back up as it was originally. The spoken words by the characters are from the book written by E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey. In no way to I own any part of the book or story. As always I want to stay true to the character that E.L. James created. Happy Reading!**

* * *

I immediately stand up and begin walking from my desk to the window and back. I run my hands through my hair as I try to figure out what I am going to do. _You are going to let her go, Grey. You can't do the things that you want to do to someone so pure._

"I don't understand why you didn't tell me." How could she keep this from me?

"The subject never came up. I'm not in the habit of revealing my sexual status to everyone I meet. I mean, we hardly know each other."

"Well, you know a lot more about me now." How could I have been so stupid? I should have known by all of the blushing, buy the report I got from Welch. How could I let myself be so blind? _You needed her, Grey. You couldn't have known. _"I knew you were inexperienced, but a virgin?" I spit out the last word like it is poison.

"Hell, Ana, I just showed you…" I use the name of Ana for the first time. I am just so confused. I'm mad, mad at myself, mad at her, just mad! "May God forgive me. Have you even been kissed, apart from by me?"

"Of course I have," she replies. But she still looks so innocent, so untouched.

"And a nice young man hasn't swept you off your feet? I just don't understand. You're twenty-one, nearly twenty-two. You're beautiful." I don't understand how this woman can be so pure, so untouched. Is that why I am so attracted to her? Her innocence? _You only care about one thing, Grey. Don't try to pretend you care about anything else._

"And you're seriously discussing what I want to do, when you have no experience? How have you avoided sex? Tell me, please." I can see that she is scared. She is still looking at her hands. I saw a hint of a smile when I told her she was beautiful. Does she really not know how gorgeous she is?

"No one's really, you know…" I know what? I obviously know nothing.

"Why are you so angry with me?"

"I'm not angry with you. I'm angry with myself. I just assumed…" I let out a sigh. What I am going to do? I still want her, but I feel bad for corrupting her like this. _You don't feel bad Grey. You would have to have a heart to have feelings. You don't have a heart, so you can't have feelings. _I ask her if she wants to go, and she declines my offer.

When I glance at the time and look back at her, she is biting her lip again. How is it that seeing her sink her teeth into her bottom lip can make my dick instantly start to grow? I comment on her biting her lip.

"Sorry," she says.

"Don't apologize. It's just that I want to bite it, too, hard." Oh, baby. What parts of your body wouldn't I bite? I decide to fix this the only way I know how. She said she didn't want to leave. _Grey, think about this. Do you know what you are about to do? You have never done this before, are you sure you are ready? Are you sure that she is ready?_

"Come," I say.

"What?"

"We are going to rectify the situation right now."

"What do you mean? What situation?"

"Your situation. Ana, I'm going to make love to you." _What the fuck did you just say Grey? You are going to make love? Not even 2 hours ago, you told her that you don't make love. It's because you can't love. What are you doing? What is she doing to you?_

"Oh."

"That's if you want to, I mean, I don't want to push my luck." What am I doing? This is not me!

"I thought you didn't make love. I thought you fucked hard." _See, even she knows!_

"I can make an exception, or maybe combine the two. We'll see." I want to convince myself of this as much as her. Combining the two seems to be the best of both worlds. I get Ana, and I get to be rough. "I really want to make love to you. Please, come to bed with me. I want our arrangement to work, but you really need to have some idea what you're getting yourself into." You need to at least know what sex is. "We can start your training tonight-with the basics. This doesn't mean I've come over all heart and flowers; it's a means to an end, but one that I want, and hopefully you do, too." _Nice Grey! You've found a way to around her virginity. So, it will begin tonight! And her experience will begin with you. She will only know what you teach her. How much better could this be?_

She flushes as she says, "But I haven't done all the things you require from your list of rules."

"Forget about the rules. Forget about all those details for tonight. I want you. I've wanted you since you fell into my office, and I know you want me." I know it's dangerous to not have boundaries, but I will be nice, kind of. "You wouldn't be sitting her calmly discussing punishment if you didn't. Please, Ana, spend the night with me."

I reach out to her and pull her into my arms. Her body feels so good pressed against mine. I slowly run my hands up the back of her neck, into her ponytail. I twist it around my wrist and pull, forcing her face to turn up to mine. God, she is stunning.

"You are a brave young woman. I am in awe of you." How is it that someone so young, so innocent, so pure, wants me? And wants me as her first? I lean down and kiss her, slowly, gently. I take her bottom lip into my mouth, sucking on it.

"I want to bite this lip." And I begin pulling at it with my teeth. Her mouth tastes so amazing. When she starts to moan, I know I've got her. I release her mouth and smile.

"Please, Ana, let me make love to you."

"Yes." She whispers it, making my smile grow. I take her by the hand and lead her into my bedroom. Once she starts taking in the room, I release her hand and begin undressing, first my watch, then my jacket. I leave my white shirt and jeans on. I know that she is watching me intently. I take my shoes and socks off, placing them aside.

When I turn back to Ana, I can see the pleasure starting to build inside of her. _Wow, just watching you undress probably gets her wet. You are lucky, Grey!_

"I assume you're not on the pill." When her face drops, I have my answer. "I didn't think so." I reach over into the top drawer of my dresser and pull out a pack of condoms. _How many do you need? How many times do you plan on fucking her?_

"Be prepared." She doesn't seem so sure of herself now. Why not? What changed? I hope she doesn't leave. I don't know if I could handle her leaving after all of this.

"Do you want the blinds drawn?

"I don't mind. I thought you didn't let anyone sleep in your bed."

"Who says we're going to sleep?" I have several other things planned for you tonight, Ana, and none of them involve sleep.

"Oh."

I decide it's time to start undressing her. I'm worried that if I let her stall any longer… I take her jacket by the lapels and slowly peal it off of her shoulders.

"Do you have any idea how much I want you, Ana Steele?" I run my hand slowly down her cheek to her chin. "Do you have any idea what I am going to do to you?" I lean down and kiss her, savoring her sweet taste. As I start unbuttoning her shirt, I place small kisses down her jaw, her chin, on the sides of her mouth.

Once I slide her shirt to the floor, I step back to take her in. She is stunning. She is wearing the lacy blue bra that Taylor purchased for her this morning. "Oh, Anna, you have the most beautiful skin, pale and flawless. I want to kiss every single inch of it."

When she blushes, I see it spread to the tops of her breasts. I reach to her hair tie, pulling it, letting her hair fall across her shoulders. "I like brunettes." _You sure do, you like to punish them._ I reach up and grasp her hair with both hands, controlling her head. I pull her mouth to mine. I have to have it, I have to taste her. When she moans, I push my tongue into her mouth, demanding full possession. I release her hair with one hand, using the other to keep her mouth on mine. I run my free hand down her back, pulling her body into mine. Forcing her against me, I move my hand to her ass and squeeze. Oh, it feels to good to finally possess her like this. I hold her tightly to me, I know she can feel how hard I am, how hard she makes me.

When she moans again, I can tell that she is getting more comfortable. She squeezes my arms, runs her hands up to my face and into my hair. She pulls, making me groan. God, this woman is amazing. Without any direction, she knows how to make me want her more. I slowly back her to the bed. I need to taste her, there.

I sink to my knees, grabbing her waist. I run my tongue across her hips, her stomach, making gentle bites as I go. I can hear her groaning above me, pulling my hair as I make my passes over her naval. I look up at her, searching her face for any sign that I should stop. _She wants this, Christian, just as much as you do._

I slowly unbutton her jeans, pulling the zipper down, all the while looking into her eyes, those scorching eyes that can see right through me. I move my hands to the inside of the waist of her jeans, caressing her skin. I reach around to her backside, touching, removing her jeans as I go. When I reach her thighs, I stop. I am still looking into her stunning blue eyes. I lean forward a couple of inches, putting my nose into her bush.

"You smell so good." I close my eyes taking her in, her scent is heavenly. I reach behind her, pulling the blanket off of the bed. No need for that. I lightly push her back until she is lying on the bed. I begin undressing her again. I start with her shoe and sock. When one foot is bare, I run my nail up her instep. I hear her gasp, and look up at her face to see her reaction. See baby, you do like pain. I follow my nail with my tongue, and then with my teeth. She groans again, relaxing onto the bed. I try to suppress a small laugh, she really has no clue what I am going to do to her tonight does she? _You know that she doesn't. Who better to teach her how good pain mixed with pleasure can feel besides you?_

"Oh, Ana, what I could do to you." I remove her other shoe and sock, then standing, remove her jeans. I leave her in her bra and panties. I can't look away from her.

"You're very beautiful, Anastasia Steele. I can't want to be inside you." _Self-control, Grey. You have it, somewhere inside you._

"Show me how you pleasure yourself." I want to see her tiny nimble fingers slowly caressing her center. What is more beautiful than seeing a woman bring herself to climax? When I see her frown, I think that she is embarrassed. It's nothing to be embarrassed about baby. "Don't be coy. Ana, show me."

She shakes her head telling me she doesn't know what I mean, I ask again. "How do you make yourself come? I want to see."

"I don't." she replies. As I shake my head I can't help but be happy at how innocent, how pure she really is.

"Well, we'll have to see what we can do about that." I begin to take off my jeans. That is all I will remove for now. The shirt must stay on. Since I can't restrict her hands this time, I have to make sure that she can't touch me. I reach over to her ankles, spreading her legs apart. _Be gentle grey, it's her first time. _I tell her to be still as I start kissing her. I begin at the inside of her thigh and work my way up to her panties. God, she smells so good. _Hold on for just a little while longer Grey. Remember, you told her you would make love to her. Do you even know how to make love?_'

She continues to squirm beneath me; "We're going to have to work on keeping you still, baby." I am not used to women who cannot control themselves. We have a lot of training to do. I kiss up her stomach, pausing to taste her naval. I continue to kiss up her body until I am to her breast. I move to lie down next to her, needing to feel her body against mine. I run my fingers over her skin in the same path that my mouth had just taken. I move my hand up to cup her breast.

"You fit my hand perfectly, Anastasia." _Could this get any better, Grey? Her body is made for yours._ I reach my finger into her bra, pulling the cup down so that her exceptional breast is freed. When I do the same to the other, I see her nipples start to harden. _Do you see what effect you have on her? How easily her body responds to your gaze. _

"Very nice," I say so that she can feel my breath on her nipples. As I focus my mouth on one, I move my hand to the other, rolling it, squeezing it, pulling it. I can feel her body react as I take her into my mouth, sucking. She arches her back, trying to get more. I wonder…

"Let's see if we can make you come like this," I whisper into her breast, still teasing it with my tongue. I clasp my mouth back around her nipple, pulling, sucking it. Her other nipple is still be tormented by my hand, massaging, pinching, pulling.

"Oh... Please." She is begging, begging me to make her come, to let her release.

"Let go, baby." I know that she is on the edge, waiting to be tipped over. I bite her nipple, hard, pulling with the other hand. As her body begins to shake, I let go and kiss her. I force my way into her waiting mouth. I swallow her cries as she rides out her first orgasm.

When she comes back to earth, I look down at her, smiling. _Good job, Grey. No one will ever be able to compare to her first time with you. _

"You are very responsive. You are going to have to learn to control that, and it's going to be so much fun teaching you how." Oh, I can't wait until I get her upstairs. I already know she is going to break my rules. The thought of punishing her gives me a feeling of joy. I kiss her again before I let my hands slid down her body.

When I reach her hips, I slide one had to her center, palming her sex. There is heat radiating off of her. I slide a finger inside of her panties; she is moister than I thought. "You're so deliciously wet. God, I want you." I quickly push a finger inside of her. Moving it in and out, I let the palm of my hand rub against her clit every time I bury my finger in her wetness. _How much longer can you wait, Grey? You know that she is ready for you._ My urgency to feel her around my cock makes me become rougher, pushing harder, to hear her moans.

When I finally can't wait any longer, I sit up, removing her panties. After I remove my boxers, I reach over to get a condom. I move back between her legs, spreading them wider. I roll the condom on and when I look back at her, she seems worried. As she looks from me to my length, I answer her unspoken question. "Don't worry. You expand, too." You will be surprised at how much you expand, Ana.

I lean over her, framing her head with my hands. I gaze into her eyes, looking for any sign of doubt. Please don't let there be doubt. Please let me give you this baby. Please give me this.

"You really want to do this?"

"Please," she whispers.

"Pull your knees up. I'm going to fuck you now, miss Steele. Hard." _There is the Grey I know._ I position myself at her entrance. When I speak the last work, I slam into her, feeling the snap of her hymen. _Doesn't that feel good, Grey? _

I search her eyes again for permission to continue. "You're so tight. You okay?" _She better be tight, the only this inside of her before your dick should have been tampons and your finger._ I have to fight the urge to just take what I want, to finish.

When she nods her response, I continue my assault. "I'm going to move, baby." I slowly pull out of her, savoring every inch of her no longer innocent center. Once I am far enough out that only the tip in still inside, I slam back into her, burying myself again.

And, again, I pause, waiting for her to catch up, waiting for her permission to continue. "More?"

"Yes." With her answer, I slowly pull out, and crush my body into hers again. _How much longer can you hold off, Grey? It has to be trying, even for someone who has as much self-control as you._

"Again?" I ask. When her answer is a whispered, begging, "Yes," I let myself go.

I lower myself to my elbows so I get better momentum. It also allows me to keep her from moving, from running away when I start going full speed. I begin slowly, remembering that this is her first time. _You are a lucky man. Not many men find a woman so beautiful, still so pure, and of age. _As I feel her hips start to keep time with mine, I slowly start going faster. _If you hurt her too much, you may ruin sex for her._ I hope I do, but in a totally different way.

When I start to get into my rhythm, I move my hands to the sides of her face. I crush my mouth into hers. I need to taste her; I need to possess all of her at once. As I bite and pull at her bottom lip, I move the angle of my thrust the tiniest bit. Best part of being so experienced is knowing exactly how to please a woman, down to the smallest movement.

I feel her orgasm start to build as I continue pushing deep inside of her. "Come for me, Ana," and I feel her body follow my command. Feeling the power of her release around me, surrounding me, I stop fighting mine and call out her name as I finally let go. _That's it, Grey, that is what you have been waiting for. It was worth every second, every question, and every moment of disobedience._

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**This chapter is pretty long and very descriptive, so I am going to break it up into multiple parts. While, I don't want to keep everyone waiting too long for an update, it may be a couple of days before I can finish chapter 8. Thank you again for reading!**

**Cookie**


	8. Melancholy Melody

**Author's note: I am really grateful for all of the support to keep writing. I could not be more excited that people are enjoying what I write as much as I enjoy writing it. Thank you so much for all of the encouragement! Special thank you to 1SouthernBelle, your support and feedback is awesome! Ready to keep going? **

**Disclaimer: As always I want to stay true to the character(s) that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. All spoken words are directly from the book and I have no rights to them. Happy Reading!**

* * *

What did I just do? I am still frozen, resting on top of her. I have never said a woman's name when came. What is she doing to me? And how is she doing it?

I slowly pick my head up off of hers, opening my eyes. I see her, searching my face. What is she looking for? I give her a quick kiss on the forehead and start the worst part, removing myself from inside her.

"Ooh," she winces. I can see the pain flutter across her face.

"Did I hurt you?" I move to lay along side her, tucking a disobedient strand of hair behind her ear. _Some part of her has to always be disobedient._

Her responding smile is amazing. God, she is beautiful.

"_You_ are asking me if you hurt me?"

"The irony is not lost on me." Oh, there are many ways that I want to hurt you, Ana. But taking your virginity is not one of them. "Seriously, are you okay?" I need to make sure you want to continue. And, at the very least, you are not going to run.

I watch her as she stretches, glowing from within. Her smile is captivating, but I still have not received an answer.

"You're biting your lip, and you haven't answered me." I need to hear her say it, say that she is okay. Why is it so hard for her to answer a simple question? _What if you hurt her? What if it's too painful for her? Were you too rough?_

"I'd like to do that again," she whispers. _Oh, thank God!_ She wants round two? Maybe her stamina doesn't need that much work.

"Would you now, Miss Steele? Demanding little thing, aren't you? Turn on your front." While I enjoyed the intimacy of facing her, it's not something I want her to grow to expect from me. I don't do intimate.

When she complies and turns over, I unhook her bra. I can't help but to run my hand down her back, I can't get enough of touching her. She has the most iridescent skin, smooth, pale, so soft. "You have the most beautiful skin." I shift so that I am lying partially on top of her. Using one of my legs to keep hers spread apart. I want the ease of access from this angle for what I have planned next. I move her hair from her face, and bend down to kiss her.

"Why are you wearing your shirt?" _Dammit! Why does she care if you are wearing a shirt? You are in control here, not her._ I take off my shirt and lay back down on top of her. _What are you doing, Grey? She is too close. She is not restrained._ I tell myself that I am safe, that she can't reach me from her position. But I know I would risk her touching me, to be able to be inside of her again. _You are letting her in Grey. You know that she is only going to leave you. You are not good enough for her. She will see it. She will not love you. Even if she could, you don't deserve her love._

"So you want me to fuck you again?" I whisper, my lips almost touching her ear. I am careful not to mention love. No more hearts and flowers. I start to lightly kiss around her ear, and along her neck. I am careful to avoid her mouth. I run my hand down her back, skimming across her waist, down to the back of her knee. I move her knee to allow me to position myself between her legs, pressing against her back. I continue to run my hand back up her thigh to her rear. I slowly caress her backside, letting my fingers dip into her wetness.

"I'm going to take you from behind, Anastasia." I reach up with my free hand, grasping her hair at the base of her neck. I pull gently so she knows that I am in control. _Make sure that you remain in control!_

"You are mine. Only mine. Don't forget it." No one else has ever touched her the way that I have. I need her to know that she belongs to me, contract or not, she is mine. No one else can have her. Especially not now that I've tasted how succulent she is. _ You need to tell Flynn what you have done, how far you have gone._

The thought of how tight she is, how sweet she taste, the sound of her coming makes me hard all over again. I reach my hand down to her clit, massaging, manipulating the nerve endings as I trail my teeth along her jar.

"You smell divine," I say as I push my face into her hair. How does the scent of her hair cause these rumbling inside of me? When I feel her hips start to move, I order her to be still. _She will never be still, not the way that you are used to. Are you going to beat her into complete submission?_

When I enter my thumb into her waiting center, rubbing her G-spot, I am reminded of how I learned of that so sweet area…

* * *

I was sixteen and had been with Elana for almost a year. My parents knew I was "working" for her again this summer, but they had no clue in what capacity. They think that "working" is the reason why the fighting stopped. If they had any idea, it would be the biggest fight of my life. It's been almost 9 months since I had been in a fight. But I got beaten at least once a week.

It was a Tuesday afternoon. Her husband was at work, and I had spent my morning cleaning her house. Only, it wasn't like how people normally clean. She had clamped a 3-pound weight to my testicles. She used compact weights that would fit comfortably in loose pants. I was used to her clamping things to me by now. The pain felt good, it felt right. If I wasn't feeling the physical pain, then I would feel the emotional pain, and that was too much to bear.

After I had made her lunch, and served her on her patio, she allowed me to massage her feet. Anytime I was allowed to touch her, I was grateful. She was everything to me, she saved me and I knew now that I needed saving. I don't know what I would do without her.

Elana did not have an extensive playroom like I do now, but she made due. I was on my knees at her feet when she stopped me. "Stand up and come here."

"Yes, ma'am." I immediately stand and walk to her. I learned very quickly to do as I was asked, otherwise the punishment would be worse. She pulled my pants down just enough to reach inside, and I suppressed a smile. _Is she going to slap me? That would feel so great with the weights attached. _When she removed the weights, she gently rubbed the area where the clips had been. "Pull them up and sit on the edge of the lounge chair."

I watch her as she goes inside. I wait on the end of the lounge chair for her to return. I know she is planning something. When she walks back outside, she has a robe on, but is not holding anything to use on me. Her robe hits her at her mid thigh, its black and satin. _God, satin!_ I quickly remove any emotion from my face and look straightforward. I am not allowed to show any emotion when we are playing. I sit with my hands on my knees, looking past her. She moves to stand in front of me.

"Untie my robe." I move only my right hand to pull the string on her robe. As it falls open, she slides it off of her shoulders and lets it fall to the ground.

"Pick it up and put it on the side table." When I stand, she sits on the lounge. I quickly fold her robe and place it on the small table next to her chair. When I turn to go back where I was sitting, she pulls her right knee to her chest, allowing me to sit in the same place.

"Face me." I sit; turning my upper body towards her, my right leg almost resting on the chair. I still look through her, expressionless. She rests her leg over my lap, leaving them spread, showing me her center.

"I am going to teach you how to make me come with just a single finger." I can feel her eyes boring into me; she knows that she is getting me turned on. Her look alone can make hard. She moves the back of the chair up so that her face is within arms reach.

"Give me your right hand." When she takes my hand, she puts my index finger into her mouth, slowly sucking. I still sit, expressionless, motionless. She moves onto my thumb, biting at the pad. When she has finished with my fingers, she tells me, "Put your thumb on my clit, rub in slow small circles." This is nothing new; I've known how to touch her this way for months. It's how she taught me the path that my tongue should take when she lets me taste her.

"Put your index finger inside of me, palm up." I still do not look her in the eye as I slide into her. She is not very wet yet, so I feel the friction of forcing my way in. I can see her eyes flutter at the slightest bit of pain. I know she likes pain, but I am very seldom rewarded with watching her face react to my movements.

"Make the same small circles with your finger that you are making with your thumb. Try to touch the two together." I start very slow, trying to find the place where I feel as though my fingers could touch if I could push through her body. I see her face relax the moment that I find it. I feel myself growing, straining against the skin. I can feel the liquid forming at the tip of my penis.

"Look at me while you make me come," she says as she slaps me across the face. I am instantly aware of her naked body moving against me. I stare into her eyes, willing myself not to release. If I release before she tells me to, she will "work on my self control" again. Not being allowed to come over and over is agonizing.

"Grab my nipple, squeeze it until I scream." I like being told to cause her pain, but something must have happened for her to allow me to watch her react like this. I keep moving my thumb and forefinger on my right hand, pressing against her from the inside, trying to touch my two fingers. I reached up grabbing the whole of her breast in my left hand, pulling until her hard nipple was between my thumb and first two fingers.

Once I have it in place, I begin to twist, first one way and then the other. Squeezing and pinching, as I watch her face contort into a look of pain mixed with pleasure. Her eyes are no longer making contact with mine, but I can feel her body start to get stiff. I see her hands grab onto the sides of the chair. The muscles in my hand starting to get tired, but I know I can't stop when she is this close.

Suddenly, she reaches up and grabs my throat. She does not cut off airflow, but tightens her grip enough to make me know that she is in control.

"Harder." I try to go faster with my right hand, while pinching harder with my left.

"Harder!" I can't help but to feel the burning inside of me growing. I try desperately hard to ignore it; to continue making the beautiful woman before me let go.

"HARDER!" I finally slip my second finger into her to get more strength. I rise so my right knee is between her legs, so I have a better position over her body. I still feel her fingers digging into my neck.

"FUCK ME," she cries as she almost cuts off my airway completely. I feel her body clamp around my finger, her stomach seizing as the contractions ripple down to her core. It's not until she releases her hand form my neck and she tells me enough, that I withdraw my fingers from inside of her. I slowly place them in my mouth to clean them as she taught me before I go back to my resting position with my hands on my knees and looking though her.

When I feel the warm liquid oozing out of me, I know that she is going to punish me for not being able to control myself. For a moment, I think that she doesn't notice because she quickly stands, wrapping her robe around herself and walks into the house. I sit on the lounge chair for several minutes before she comes back out. She stands in front of me, my eyes looking through her legs. She reaches down to grab the back of my hair and tilts my head up to hers. Her kiss is rough and forceful.

"That was very well done for your first time finding my G-spot, but you used more than one finger and I didn't tell you that you could change your position. Don't think I missed you coming on yourself either. Now we will work on teaching you how to not give into your every desire." She takes my hand and leads me into the house. I know my original lesson is over, but the next one will be just as fulfilling.

* * *

"You like this?" I ask as I continue to methodically stroke her from the inside. I can feel her get wetter every time I let my lips graze across her skin.

"You're so wet, so quickly. So responsive. Oh, Anastasia, I like that. I like that a lot." _See how her body reacts to you? You were made to be here, to be inside of her. She was made to please you, to give you want. What you didn't know you've been missing. Take it before she runs._

When she is ready for more, I pull my thumb out of her and push it into her mouth. It is so arousing to watch her taste herself for the first time. To feel her mouth clinched around my thumb.

"I want to fuck your mouth, Anastasia, and I will soon." I hear her moan at my words. _She wants this as much as you do Grey. Give it to her. _When she bites me, I pull harder on her hair, forcing her to release my thumb. How does she know to get a rise of out me?

"Naughty, sweet girl." I tell her to stay put while I get another condom off of the nightstand. When I move back into position between her legs, I pin her head to the bed by taking her hair into my hand again. _Can't have her squirming away, now can we?_

We begin very slowly. She is wet enough that I could just slam into her again, but that is not what I want this time. I want her to remember me. Remember that I was here every time she sits. I want her to feel the pain that I left her with. As I slide into her, I relish the feeling of every inch until I am fully inside of her. Once there, I slowly move in a circle, pushing at her walls from every direction. I know that this makes me feel wider than I am, but it also does not give her body the time to adapt to my size.

After I complete the circle with my hips, I slowly pull back out again. I repeat this motion several times, until I feel her body start to quake beneath me. Then I pause, letting her back away from the edge of her orgasm. I don't want her coming that fast. _Lesson one: Learn to hold your release until you are told otherwise. You learned that one eventually, didn't you Grey?_

"I want you sore, baby. Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I've been here. Only me. You are mine."

"Please, Christian," she asks. Hearing her say my name. Hearing her beg me to give her release. She pushes me to finish. _You are going to have to break her of saying your name, Grey. She is your sub, not your girlfriend. You don't do girlfriends, remember?"_

I start going faster, forgetting the slow torture of making her raw. I need this as much as she does. When I feel her body getting closer to the edge, I whisper, "You. Are. So. Sweet. I. Want. You. So. Much. You. Are. Mine." Making each word a statement, forcing it into her with each thrust.

I know she is going to topple off the edge, so I groan for her to let go and fall. When I feel her body explode around me, it causes my undoing. "Fuck. Ana." _Again? Seriously, Grey? Are you going to make it a habit of calling out her name when you release? What is happening to you?_ I am so angry that I immediately pull out and move off of the bed.

As I unroll the condom, I see her curl up and fall quietly into a peaceful slumber. I go to dispose of my undoing and dress in some pajamas. When I walk back to the bed, I put the comforter over her serene figure. She is so amazing when she sleeps, so amicable, so calm. As I sit on the edge of the bed, I brush her hair off of her face, wondering what she dreams about. Does she have nightmares? _That is only you, Grey. You are the fucked up one that relives your past every time you close your eyes._

I reach up, pinching the bridge of my nose. Can I sleep, or should I just not try? It would be horrible of me to wake her with my screams.

I sit there on the edge of the bed, tracing my fingers on her face. Trying to memorize every curve, dip and swell. I finally decide to play the piano; it has always helped me make sense of my turbulent thoughts. As I rest my fingers over the keys. My hands instinctively start playing as I gaze out of the window. What am I doing with Ana? How far can this go? She is not a sub. But, is she willing to try? I know that she wants me. If she didn't, she wouldn't be curled up in my bed, knowing what I have waiting for her upstairs. How is it that I am so attached to her? What is it about her that makes me not be able to control myself? I can't let her in anymore. If she finds out about... If she realizes how dark I am. Why I do what I do, she will leave. _Don't let her get any deeper into your head, Grey. If you fuck up, she will never let you touch her again. That's what you want, isn't it? You want her; you want to do everything and anything to her. You want complete control and domination over her. What if she sees who you really are? You can never have that. She will leave, hating you. Keep her at a distance, Grey. You know how to do it. So, get control of yourself and stop letting yourself go._

The war inside my head continues. I can't seem to shake the thought that she will despise me if she knew what happened when I was so young. Why I am so attracted to her beautiful brown hair, to her pale porcelain skin. I am taken back to when I was so young, the crack-whore sitting on the floor in front of the couch, letting me run a brush down her hair. She never minded when I hit a tangle and just forced the brush through it.

I hear a moan from the hallway and look up to see Ana standing, wrapped only in my duvet.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you," she says.

Why is she apologizing? She did not do anything wrong? In fact, she brought me from my depressing past back to the present. "Surely, I should be saying that to you."

When I finish the piece, I move my hands back to the tops of my legs. _Old habits die hard, don't they, Grey? _I pull my fingers through my hair to expel the thoughts of having my hands on my thighs and staring through Elana. I walk to where she is standing, her hair falling around her shoulders, sleep mingling with desire in her eyes.

"That was a beautiful piece, Bach?" she asks.

"Transcription by Bach, but its originally an oboe concerto be Alessandro Marcello," I correct. I know several works of music by heart. My hands play what they feel at the time.

"It was exquisite, but very sad, such a melancholy melody." Her observation gives me a slight smile. She is so observant, so keen on the things around her. It's a wonder how she has not caught on to how loathsome I actually am.

She makes idle conversation as we walk back to the bedroom. She is asking questions, but nothing too invasive, so I give her the answers that she wants. As I switch on the lamp on the nightstand, I ask her how she is feeling. I wonder if the soreness has taken effect yet.

"I'm good," she responds. When we both notice the blood on the sheet, I see her react by pulling the blanket tighter around herself.

"Well, that's going to give Mrs. Jones something to think about." She knows I don't let people into my bed, well at least not my personal bed. I wonder for a brief second if she will realize what I did here tonight.

I forget the thought when I tip Ana's head back so I can look into her eyes. What is she thinking right now? Is she ashamed of what happened? Does she regret it? I am scanning her face for any signs of doubt when I catch her hand moving out of the corner of my eye. I quickly step away from her, not letting her touch me. _This is why you have rules. This is why you only take on subs that understand your rules. With no rules, there is no control. Without control… Get it together, Grey!_

"Get into bed," I command. _Now you are commanding her into your bed. Well, at least you are commanding her to do something._

I realize how harsh my words could have sounded, and I don't want her to think I expect anything sexual so I take moment and relax. "I'll come and lie down with you." I decide to put on a shirt to cover my scars. I can't let her touch me, not like that. I can handle many things, but never that.

When I turn around, she is still not following my instructions. "Bed," I say again. _Is repeating yourself getting old yet?_

When I climb in behind her, I turn her to that she is facing away from me to prevent any further attempts at touching. I wrap my arms around her to hold her in place, I don't want her turning to face me and catch me staring at her while she sleeps. I kiss the back of her head so I can have the scent of her hair one more time.

"Sleep, sweet Anatasia," for I know one day you will leave. I lie there, feeling her body pressed against mine, feeling the warmth radiate off of her skin. I can't bear the thought even now of her not being mine. _Enjoy it while you can, Grey. Happiness is a only speck of light in your world of darkness. It will not last, the shadows that live inside of you will eclipse it soon enough. _My thoughts are of shadows and darkness as I drift off to sleep holding my speck of light.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. I really hope you like some of the style changes I made. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!**

**Cookie**


	9. Whisked and Beaten

**Author's note: Thank you for the reviews! They make me want to write more, and faster! A huge thank you to 1SouthernBelle, you make each chapter better!  
**

**Disclaimer: As always I want to stay true to the character(s) that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I have no rights to any spoken words that are taken directly from the book. Happy Reading!**

* * *

I wake up with a start, looking around. I realize I am looking for Anastasia, feeling for her in the bed next to me. She is not there and I start to panic. _She's gone, Grey._ I lie on my back, staring at the ceiling, thinking about last night. The feeling of making her come from my mouth on her breasts. My fingers inside of her. Breaking through her hymen. Controlling her from behind. Fucking her until she was raw. So many great memories from only one night.

When I stand and make my way to the bathroom I notice that I actually feel well rested. When I think about it, I realize that I didn't have any nightmares. _Why do you think that is, Grey? Maybe you should take a woman's virginity more often._ The smell of food pulls me from my thoughts. Mrs. Jones is off for the weekend, right? I feel a smile creep across my face. I can't help but feel a sense of elation as I brush my teeth. She stayed! _Don't get ahead of yourself, Grey. She is not yours._

As I walk into the kitchen, I see Ana, cooking. She has her iPod in her ears and seems to be making breakfast, while moving her hips to an unheard song. I usually have my subs cook for me on the weekends, since I don't want Mrs. Jones having to see that side of me. It's funny how she does so many of the things I require of my subs without my telling her. But, the things I do tell her, she doesn't do. Delighted, I sit at the breakfast bar. Resting my elbows on the counter and enjoy the show. Does she have any idea how much she is like a sub already? _Maybe she only needs training in your playroom._

When she turns and sees me, I watch the panic cross her face. _Lets see how long you can have fun with this._

"Good morning, Miss Steele. You're very energetic this morning."

"I-I slept well." My mouth turns up into a slight smile at her stumble. _Oh, Grey, you can do better than that._

"I can't imagine why. So did I after I came back to bed," I say dryly again.

When she asks me if I am hungry, I can only think about the taste of her. I still have not had her sweet, salty, center in my mouth.

"Very," I answer.

"Pancakes, bacon, and eggs?" She asks.

We move about the kitchen, her cooking and me arranging place settings. When I see her trying to kill the eggs with the whisk, I step up behind her and pull on her pigtails. _Oh, one for each hand, that would do nicely for fucking her mouth._

"How would you like your eggs?" she asks, pulling me from my lustful thoughts.

"Thoroughly whisked and beaten." _Is that the only thing you want beaten? _

I realize that I am having fun moving about with her in the kitchen. It's a very odd feeling for me. When I have prepared coffee, I remember that she likes tea. I asked Mrs. Jones to pick some up this past week, anticipating, hoping for the chance to use it.

"Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please. If you have some. Bit of a foregone conclusion, wasn't I?"

_She gives you too much credit, Grey. While you made sure you had the tea, you had no clue about her. You usually don't stalk your subs, but you ended up lucky this time._

"Are you? I'm not sure we've concluded anything yet, Miss Steele." Does she think that I am that presumptuous?

I continue to watch her move around my kitchen. She is so comfortable, and at ease. When she places the plates on the bar and finishes getting everything together, I motion to the bar stool for her to sit.

I see the pain on her face from the pressure of sitting. _That's what you wanted, isn't it Grey?_ As I sit next to her, I ask her for her level of discomfort. I need to know if we can continue this again today. Oh, how I want to continue.

I see her face change into a look of want, of desire, as I am reminded that we have yet to eat breakfast.

"Eat, Anastasia."

When I take my first bite, I am surprised at how well she can actually cook. _Guess you don't have to pay for cooking classes for this one._

"This is delicious, incidentally."

"Stop biting your lip. It's very distracting." Why am I so obsessed with her bottom lips? It is so succulent.

"And, I happen to know you're not wearing anything under my shirt, which makes it even more distracting."

The way that my shirt rests on her breasts. The bottom not covering her ass as she sits on the stool. The shirt tails creeping up the tops of her thighs. While I would prefer it off of her at this moment, it does look sexy as hell on.

"What sort of basic training did you have in mind?" She asks, I can't tell if she is scared or excited, her face reveling nothing.

"Well, as you are sore, I thought we could stick to oral skills." _Whose oral skills, Grey, hers or yours?_

"That's if you want to stay."

I try to hide me fear of her leaving by clearing all emotion from my face. Please stay, Anastasia, I've had too little time with you for you to leave.

"I'd like to stay today. If that's ok. I have to work tomorrow." _You must be gifted, Grey._

"What time do you have to be at work tomorrow?" I ask. Am I lucky enough to get another nightmare free night with her?

"Nine."

"I'll get you to work by nine tomorrow."

I can see disappointment cross her face, I worry that I've done something wrong. What is wrong about wanting to keep her here, with me? Why is she disappointed about spending another night with me?

"I'll need to go home tonight. I need clean clothes," she says. Is that it? Clothes?

"We can get you some here."

I'm wrong. I see her emotions change as she crushes her lower lip with her teeth. What is it? Why can't she stay with me? _Because she has had enough. She knows that you can't fulfill her the way that she wants, that she needs. She is going to get out before you can really hurt her._

I reach up and pull her lip from her teeth. "What is it?"

"I need to be home this evening." If she wants to leave, I have to let her go.

"Okay, this evening. Now eat your breakfast." I can tell she is not excited by the thought of eating cold pancakes and bacon.

"Eat, Anastasia. You didn't eat last night." There will not be wasted food, especially in my house.

"I'm not really hungry."

"I would really like you to finish your breakfast." Why does she question everything I tell her to do? _Give her a break, Grey. She is just curious._

"What is it with you and food?"

Seriously? Another question? My mind flits back to being a small child. The ache inside of me, burning. I had no idea what it was then. But Grace, my mom, always made sure I ate so it never came back.

"I told you, I have issues with wasted food. Eat." I can't handle all of this disobedience and questions about my past. Can't she just listen? For once? She finally starts eating, and I let out my breath. She has no clue, and she never needs to. She just needs to follow my instructions.

As I eat, I remember the image of her dancing around the kitchen in my shirt. She really is good at cooking, and being sexy without knowing it. I start to think about different ways to get her out of my shirt. The obvious one of slowly unbuttoning it comes to mind first. Kissing her succulent skin as I open each inch. Maybe I should make her face away from me. Running my hands up her sides, around to her stomach, and up her breast until I pull the shirt over her head. What about slamming her back against the wall? Pulling her legs up and around my waist. Ripping the shirt open, as I slide inside her most sacred core. _Hmm… Grey, how will you remove it?_

When we are both finished, I stand to clear the bar.

"You cooked, I'll clear." _Whoa, what the hell, Grey? You are cleaning now?_

"That's very democratic," she counters.

"Yes. Not my usual style." Nowhere near my usual style actually. Where is all of this coming from?

"After I've done this, we'll take a bath." _There we go, Grey. Back on track._

"Oh, okay," she acknowledges. When her phone rings and Ana moves away from me. I can't help but listen while I move about the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, I was overtaken by events." I smirk, overtaken is right. And I'm not done taking her yet.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Kate, I don't want to talk over the phone." Ah, so Miss Kavanaugh is who is so inquisitive. I make eye contact with Anastasia, what does she mean by, 'talk over the phone?'

"Kate, please."

"I've told you I'm okay."

"Kate, please!" What is being said that Miss Steele is so adamant about?

"I'll see you this evening," and its over.

When she is back at the bar, watching me, she asks, "The NDA, does it cover everything?"

"Why?" What is it that has her so curious? Something Kavanaugh said?

"Well, I have a few questions, you know, about sex. And I'd like to ask Kate." Ah, so it is something with Katherine.

"You can ask me." I'm not sure where this is going, so I'd rather keep in between us.

"Christian, will all due respect. It's just about mechanics. I won't mention the Red Room of Pain." _HAHAHAHAHA! Nice!_ Great, now even my inner thoughts find her amusing.

"Red Room of Pain? It's mostly about pleasure, Anastasia. Believe me."

There is so much pleasure that we can find there.

"Besides, your roommate is making the beast with two backs with my brother. I'd rather you didn't."

I don't know what I would do if they knew. Suddenly, I am struck with the overwhelming feeling of fear. Fear of disappointing them, fear of rejection.

"Does your family know about your… um, predilection?"

"No. It's none of their business," I say.

Time to change the subject. I walk up, standing in front of her. I let my silky smile cross my lips. I know what this does to women.

"What do you want to know?" I touch her face, forcing her to look at me.

"Nothing specific at the moment." _Good, Grey. At least it wasn't another question._

"Well, we can start with: How was last night for you?" How soon do you want to repeat it?

"Good," she answers. The feel of her skin under my fingertips has reminded me of my growing desire. I think about her in my shirt. I need to have her again.

"Me, too. I've never had vanilla sex before. There's a lot to be said for it. But, then, maybe because it's with you."

Elana never tried vanilla with me. She probably never had it like this. I can't imagine anyone else tasting this savory. I run my finger along her bottom lip, I need to have some sort of constant contact with her skin.

"Come, let's have a bath."

And, for the first time since last night, I press my lips to hers, forcing her mouth open. _Such a sweet taste._

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed! Bath time is next... -Cookie  
**


	10. Other Plans

**Author's note: Sorry about the re-post. Had a duplicate paragraph on there...  
**

**Thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate the advise and encouragement. I really hope you like the 'addition' in this chapter.  
**

**1SouthernBelle, you are awesome! Stop hiding under your chair! How do you fit under there anyway?  
**

**Disclaimer: As always I want to stay true to the character(s) that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I have no rights to any spoken words that are taken directly from the book. Happy Reading!**

* * *

I lead Anastasia into my rather large bathroom for just one person. Usually, I only allow my subs in here as a special reward. Turning the water on, I make the decision to use mostly hot water. I want to watch her submerged skin grow vibrant pink. I find the bath oil in the side cabinet and pour a liberal amount into the tub. Anastasia is watching me. Still looking like an innocent, even though I know I have taken it.

_She is not going to read your mind, Grey. Tell her what you want._

I remove my shirt, dropping it onto the floor. I ask for her hand and can see the hesitation in her eyes. Oh, baby, this is pleasure. No pain, yet.

I direct her to get in, keeping a hold of her hand so she doesn't slip with the oil. Now, for that shirt.

"Turn around, face me." As she turns, she has her teeth clamped onto her lower lip.

There is something about that act that makes her look so innocent, but at the same time gives off this sexual desire.

"I know that lip is delicious, I can attest to that, but will you stop biting it? Your chewing it makes me want to fuck you, and you're sore, okay?" _That got her attention. Good job, Grey. Or, you could've just fucked her._

She shakes her head in an exaggerated yes and immediately releases her lip. "Yeah, get the picture?" I retort. I can't help but see her pigtails bob up and down. First the lip and now her hair, I can't take much more of this teasing.

"Good," I say. I take the iPod out of the shirt pocket and set it aside.

When I remove my shirt, in none of the ways I had pictured, I take a moment to take in her allurement. I let my eyes start on her face and slowly roll down her body. Stopping at her breasts and mound to memorize her shape. When I start to go back up, I notice that the pinkness of her flush has gone down to the tops of her breast. She is standing as though she is embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"Hey. Anastasia, you're a very beautiful woman, the whole package. Don't hang your head like you're ashamed. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and it's a real joy to stand here and gaze at you."

I knew taking someone who was so inexperienced would have its challenges. But, I never thought that a creature this magnificent would be ashamed. Ana, if you only knew.

I take her face in my hand, forcing her to look into my eyes. And, then I feel it. It feels like something small, like the size of a grain of sand, deep inside me. Not in my stomach, but my chest. It feels like ecstasy. What is it? _Stop, Grey. That ecstasy is not for you. You don't deserve it. Let it sink back into the dark abyss that is your soul._

"You can sit down now," I say. I try to be commanding, but I can't find my voice. I am still stuck on this tiny feeling inside of me. As I look down at her, I try to figure out where it came from, and what it is exactly.

"Why don't you join me?" And I am brought back to the present. _Good job, Grey. You must look like a total psycho standing over her, staring while she's in your bath._

"I think I will. Move forward." I want the position behind her again. I don't want to give her access to my chest. She needs to understand that this is not up for negotiation.

I remove my pants and climb in. I pull back against my chest, wrapping my legs over hers, spreading them wider. This feels so good. Is it the bath? I haven't taken one since, well, since Leila. I don't think it felt this good to just sit with Leila though. _Other things you two did in here felt this good though._ Is it Anastasia that makes this feel this exceptional?

"You smell so good, Anastasia." I let her name tumble from my tongue.

I begin to wash her, my hands starting at her neck. I work my way down to her trap muscles, kneading the flesh. _Elana made sure you could work out any muscle spasms you cause. The amount of time spent rubbing her skin was well rewarded when the pain was over._

* * *

I remember the first time Elana let me dominate her. I mean, really dominate. There was no breaking of character to correct my actions, there was no disobedience.

I tied her elbows with a cord behind her back. I had to make sure it was tight enough that she couldn't escape like she had done before. Then I wrapped a bondage belt around her waist. I cuffed her hands to her sides, forcing her shoulders back and her back to arch. Then came the harness that held the vibrator to the nerve bundle between her legs. She was in a standing position in the center of the room, blindfolded.

I had control of the vibrator, but she couldn't see where I was. The first time that I turn it on, it seems like an hour before she was close to orgasm. She has used the tease and denial technique on me many times over the years, which I get to repay.

Over the course of several hours, I brought her to the brink of climax, only to take it away. In between each session with the vibrator, I caressed her skin. Sometimes I played with her nipples, licking them, making them hard. Others, I slide my finger inside her, just so I could taste her serum. Her pleading keeps me going. I did not originally plan to make her go this far, but hearing her cries, begging me for her release only made me want to punish her more.

The resulting screams told me I'd done a great job. It was not until I begun untying all of her restraints, that I realized she was hurt. When I had tied the cord behind her back, I had pulled it too tight and caused her shoulder muscles to seizure.

As she lay on her bed, I sat next to her. I massaged her neck, back and shoulders until I couldn't lift my arms. She told me that this was my punishment for not knowing how to restrain her with out hurting her. She had instructed me how to move my hands so I didn't tire myself out, but it is futile. When she finally allowed me to stop, it is almost dark outside, and I couldn't explain yard work in the dark to my parents.

She turned on her side, facing me. As she caressed my face, she asks, "Did you like feeling me from inside my backside?"

I knew she was back in control and immediately moved my hands to my knees. "Yes, Ma'am." I answered.

"You did very well fixing your mistake, I think you deserve a reward."

I watched her as she walked to the foot of her bed and moved the covers off.

"Come stand behind me."

As I stood, I feeling myself get hard. I knew I could stay hard for hours without releasing, but the feeling of an erection growing still causes fear.

"Stand directly behind me, touching my skin."

I took a step forward, so that she could feel my length along her skin.

"Do you remember the path you took with your thumb?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Take that same path with your penis."

I paused for a second. Was she serious? She had never let me inside of her like this. Even earlier, it was the first time any part of me had breeched her anus. We'd played with toys and various instruments, but never skin on skin in this.

I took a deep breath and gathered my wits. I moved my hips back to get an angle where I could reach her essence, and slowly slid in and out. I was careful to make sure that I was wet enough to slide in her buttocks.

Then I glided the tip up to her opening. I start slow, pushing and letting up so she could adjust. It was agonizing to not push all the way in. Elana was so tight, I wondered if she had ever done this before.

Once I was all of the way in, she said, "You can take over now."

Elana released me to take what I needed, what I wanted. I rocked back on my heels, pulling out, and then using the momentum, I slammed back into her. She let out a cry. I am not sure if it was from pain or pleasure, but I was so lost in my own satisfaction that it didn't matter. I kept my pace, rocking back then slamming into her. Because she has allowed me control, I pushed myself to let go.

It didn't take me long, because of the extensive day and the excitement of the act. I came with a grunt, pushing into her a final few times to ride out my orgasm.

* * *

Yes, that day I learned how to make a woman's body betray her though massage. It was a nice day.

When I hear Anastasia moan, I know she is relaxing into me.

"You like that?"

"Hmm."

I continue washing her body, my hands gliding over her skin. As I reach her breasts, I pull and roll her nipples. Anastasia arches her back, pushing her chest into my hands. My body reacts the same way as her nipples, growing hard. As I continue my manipulations down her torso, her hands begin to tighten on my thighs.

Before I reach her core, I grab a washcloth and bring it to lather. I begin on the inside of one leg and slowly massage her thigh with the cloth as move inward. When I get to her center, I make delicate circles over her clit. As she starts moving her hips in rhythm with my finger, I press harder. Her fingers start to dig into my legs. I feel her legs begin pulsing. Before she falls over the edge of her climax, I stop.

"I think you're clean enough now," I whisper. _That's fucked up, Grey. You could wait a week before you started the tease and denial training._

"Why are you stopping?" she asks.

"Because I have other plans for you, Anastasia." I decide that I want to show her how to pleasure me. That's what I want her to do, isn't it? Want to please me? _You are going all out today aren't you? Do you plan on holding anything back, Grey?_

"Turn around, I need washing, too." As she turns around, I place my hand on myself, intent on showing her how to masturbate me. I can see the bewilderment in her face as she sees that I am still expanding.

"I want you to become very acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and most cherished part of my body. I'm very attached to this." _Could you be any more self-loving?_

The look on her face. How she eyes me. She is overwhelmed, I think. Then, her expression changes. It's like she has entered some sort of unknown, unspoken contest. The thought of me being her first, in almost all aspects, gives me an evil grin

As she prepares to wash me, I see a glint of the evil smile I had in her eye. She begins making her breathing labored, slightly opening her mouth. She holds my gaze as she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, causing it to swell from the pressure. When she releases it, she floats her tongue across the indentations she left.

_Whatever plans you had, Grey, forget them. She knows how to work you already._

When she positions her hand over mine, grasping me, I am taken back. Her touch feels… When she squeezes, I place my hand on top of hers. Time for yet another lesson, Miss Steele.

"Like this," I say, as I begin to move both hers and my hand up and down the shaft.

God, this feels so good. The water is so hot, surrounding me. Having her naked body in front of me. Her hand making slow, deliberate strokes. The pressure of her fingers as they grip me. I could fuck her right here in the bath. Make her body convulse.

"That's right, baby." Please don't stop, ever.

As I release her hand and let her continue on her own, I let my eyes roll back into my head. I loose myself in her strokes, allowing my body to react to her movements. As I begin tilting my hips to meet her hand, she tightens her grasp, making me moan.

My eyes fly open as she sinks her mouth over me. Talk about skipping ahead. She uses her tongue to tease my tip, circling it, and then buries me in her mouth.

"Christ!" How does she know this? She continues to pull up, teasing me with her tongue. Then pushing back down, she fills her mouth.

When I open my eyes, the sight of her driving herself down onto me is exquisite. I reach up and use her hair to guide her. _You wanted to fuck her mouth, Grey. Here's your chance._ As she continues, I tighten my hold on her hair, moving my hips against her. With every pass, I seem to go deeper into you mouth.

"Jesus. How far can you go?" When I ask, I am immediately grateful I did. She pushes down until I can feel the tip hit flesh. Oh, fuck this is too much. She continues, and I become more distraught. How is it that she is this good? How does she know to do these things?

I give her warning that I am going to let go and giving her the opportunity to stop. When she doesn't, I give in to my orgasm and let it begin approaching the edge. I tighten my grip in her hair, pushing myself deeper into her mouth. On the last stroke before I come, she rakes her teeth across my sensitive skin. Oh, fuck me! I explode into her mouth, making sounds no civilized person should make.

As I come back to earth, I try to put myself back together. When I open my eyes, I am engulfed with the desire I still have inside of me.

"Don't you have a gag reflex? Christ, Ana… that was… good, really good. Unexpected, though. You never cease to amaze me." _Maybe someone else taught her that._

My face changes to one of curiosity, "Have you done that before?"

"No." As she answers, her face is glowing with satisfaction.

"Good." Thank God! I don't know what I would've done if I'd know someone else was there before me. _You've had others before, Grey. In this very place, doing this very thing. So what if she did._

As I get out of the bath, I wrap a towel around my waist. When Ana steps out, I engulf her in a large towel, trapping her arms to her body. As she looks up at me, I bend down to kiss her. It starts slow, but turns into need, into passion. I grasp her head so that she cannot escape, taking what I want. As I kiss her, I feel the ecstasy inside me growing. It is still to small to be real. Still too small to overpower my darkness.

"Say yes," I beg. I need her. I've never felt anything like this. I'm scared that if she leaves, I'll never know what this is inside of me.

"To what?" She looks lost, confused. How does she not know?

"To our arrangement. To being mine. Please, Ana." I need this. I need you.

* * *

**What's silver… and long… and comes next?**

**Cookie**


	11. SilverGrey Silk Woven

**Author's note: Thank you for the reviews! I'm always excited when my email goes off now because of those, the alerts, and favorites! 1SouthernBelle=Outstanding! My mistakes would annoy everyone if it were not for you! **

**Disclaimer: As always I want to stay true to the character(s) that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I have no rights to any spoken words that are taken directly from the book. Happy Reading!**

* * *

"Trust me?" I ask. I decide to give her a peek at what I like. I don't want to give her the full picture yet, but I want her to see how much pleasure can come from a tiny bit of restraint. _You also want to make sure she can't attempt to touch you._

I can see surprise in her eyes. Why is she surprised? She trusted me last night. What has changed? She gives me affirmation and I touch her face, running my fingers over her lip.

"Good girl," I praise and walk away. I go into my closet, taking a moment to run my fingers through my hair. _Get a grip, Grey. This isn't the first time you've tied a woman up. She is just like everyone else. Just a sub. Nothing more._

I reach up to my rack of ties. Letting my fingers run over them, I look for one that does not have much give when pulled. It has to be soft so if she does pull, she won't hurt herself. It also needs to be extra long so I have enough length to properly secure her hands. I find the right one and a shiver of excitement rolls down my spine.

I drape the tie over my neck and slowly walk back to where she is standing. "Hold your hands together in front of you."

When she lifts her hands, I help her towel fall off of her body. I quickly tie the tie around her wrist, forcing them to stay touching. Once her hands are tightly bound, I turn my attention to her hair. Still in pigtails, I graze my hands down the length of them.

"You look so young with these." Nowhere near old enough for all of the things I want to do to you. Thinking about how inexperienced she is causes my desire to start growing again. _How much can you cultivate her sexual style to be like yours, Grey?_

I slowly move my body towards her, my lust warns her to stay away. As she peers into my eyes, her body involuntarily moves, backing into the bed. I push her further so that she is lying down. As I slide next to her, I move her hands above her head.

"Keep your hands up here, don't move them, understand?" Her response is a deer in the headlights look.

"Answer me." The second time I ask, I am more forceful. _Be careful, Grey. If you want her to stick around, you can't show her how dominating you really are._

"I won't move my hands." Her answer is acceptable, but she will need to learn the words 'sir' and 'master'.

"Good girl." Even her small form of obedience increases my eagerness. I let my hunger coat my face.

I decide to praise her body, blanketing her skin with my mouth. I begin at her neck, slowly touching my lips to her skin, and then slightly parting them. I push my tongue onto her flesh. Grazing my teeth over her skin I suck lightly and pull away. Moving down to the next spot just beneath, I repeat the process.

I make it all of the way to the notch at the base of her neck before she looses control of her body. She begins to whimper and attempts to touch my hair. No, Anastasia, you keep your hands where I place them. You will do as you are told, nothing else.

However, I am slightly amused that she thinks she has any control. _That's because you have not told her all of the rules yet. She may figure it out eventually._

When I begin sucking and teasing her nipples, she starts to lose control again, but manages to not move her hands. I am pleased with how quick she is learning, so I continue down further. Not wanting to punish her for moving her hands, when I reach her mound, I stop.

I start again at her feet. Nipping at her toes, I can see how aroused she is becoming. Her moisture glistening in the hair at her center. I work my way up her left leg to the knee, biting, sucking, and caressing her skin. Matching my progress on the right, Anastasia begins to beg. Hearing her pleading words, I move up her thigh, settling at her crux.

As I run my nose over her hair, I am engulfed in her scent. Looking into her eyes, I push my face deeper into her and let the smell overpower me. Anastasia's essence reminds me of a perfume I once smelled at the salon, lavender and freesia, I think. It is intoxicating.

When I begin to breathe on her sex, she starts unraveling. Twisting towards me and trying to force contact, she begs me for some sort of touch.

"Tit for tat is not my usual style Miss Steele. But, you've pleased me today and you should be rewarded."

_It's never been your style, Grey. You've always taken what you've wanted. Yes, you pleasure your subs, but never the same way that they've pleasured you. What has changed now? Is it that pea size ecstasy you feel? You know that is not for you, you do not deserve it. It will not last; your lightless soul will devour it._

I ignore my subconscious and begin massaging her core with my tongue. Her legs begin to move with me, so I put pressure on them to keep her still. I keep pushing, kneading her clitoris. I suck on it, pulling it through my teeth to push the hood back. Then I flick my tongue across the tip, moving over it from left to right and back again.

When her legs are no longer of her control, I release them and slowly slide my finger into her opening. I relish how aroused she is, letting me glide in without friction, even though the area is swollen. I know that I am going to fuck her again, so I begin stretching the area with my fingers while I go back to sucking and biting her clitoris.

After she climaxes, I want to slide into her while she is still recovering. She has done very well with keeping her hands in place, so I won't draw this out. I quickly roll the condom on and position myself between her legs. I lift her knees so that her hips are tilted up to me and gently push into her. I can tell that she is still swollen, but she doesn't seem to be in pain.

"How's this?" I ask as I place my hands beside her head, relaxing my upper body.

"Fine. Good." Her eyes are still closed as I search her face for any sign of hesitancy. When she lifts her legs, bending them to put them over mine, I let myself go.

Slamming into her, I feel her body being forced to move upward from the impact. I continue to fuck her without regard. When her shoulders reach my hands, she is trapped in the space between them and my pelvis that is crashing into her.

I hear her moan, knowing she is close to her peak. "Come for me, baby."

Her body seizes under me, around me. I let my release follow hers, moaning as I topple on top of her. I lie there for several minutes, savoring the feeling of being inside of her for as long as I can. The ecstasy that I felt before seems to be back, growing the tiniest bit bigger. As the scent of her hair fills my nose, I sit up and look into her eyes.

"See how good we are together? If you give yourself to me, it will be so much better. Trust me, Anastasia, I can take you places you don't even know exist." _Are you going to beg her, Grey?_

I watch her face as she processes the emotions. She seems surprised at first, and then it changes to something that I can only describe as longing. Her face is so telling at times, usually when she is utterly spent.

I hear Taylor voice first. What is going on? I told him not to disturb me for anything when I was with Miss Steele. I can hear a muffled woman responding to him, but I can't place the voice. Then I hear the word 'son'. Mother fucker! What is she doing here? Did she try to call? I left my blackberry in the study last night, not wanting any interruption.

I hear the skepticism in her tone when Taylor tells her that I am not alone. She has never even known me to have intercourse. Now she is walking in on me as I am on top of Miss Steele and still inside of her. Fuck! I make a silent plea to Taylor to stop her.

When I look back as Anastasia, I can see the confusion in her eyes. This will either be fun, or an absolute train wreck. _Good luck, Grey!_

"Shit! It's my mother."

* * *

**Sorry for the delay. I had to get caught up on housework so I can immerse myself back into writing again. Ready to spend some time with Christian with out Ana?**

**Cookie**


	12. Internet Research

**Author's note: Thank you for reading/following/reviewing! I am very happy that I am able to write something that other people can enjoy as well. I am very grateful to 1SouthernBelle. While she never was a Beta, she is so willing to help make sense of my scattered thoughts and correct all of my mistakes!  
**

**Disclaimer: As always I want to stay true to the character(s) that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I have no rights to any spoken words that are taken directly from the book. The song in this chapter is by Slipknot. It's called "Snuff" and I have no rights to that either. No copyright is intended. Happy Reading!**

* * *

I move off the bed to get dressed, smirking at myself. Oh, Mom, you have such perfect timing! As I untie Anastasia, I realize that this is the first time I have ever tied a woman to my bed, much less with one of my designer ties. _Was that fun, Grey? Be careful, you could get addicted to vanilla._

As Anastasia makes excuses to stay in my bedroom, I find myself wanting her to meet my mother. Am I looking for Grace's approval? What is happening to me? I have never allowed a sub to meet my family. _Is she really just a sub? You are offering her your clothes, Grey. Be real with yourself._

I push my fingers through my hair to escape my subconscious and walk into the living room.

"Mom," I say as I walk to her. Her smile is warm and inviting as always.

"Christian. What is going on? Taylor told me you were not alone. Is everything okay?" She asks, more inquisitive than upset.

"Yes, mother. Things are actually very good. Shall we sit?"

When I reach her, she to gives me her usual kiss on the cheek. She's been doing this for as long as I can remember. I'm sure it has something to do with me freaking out as a child if anyone touched me.

"There is someone I want you to meet," I say as we walk to the couch. We sit facing towards room.

"I would have rather done this at a different time, but now is as good as ever, I suppose." I take a deep breath and begin telling my mother about the woman I had tied to my bed moments ago.

"Her name is Anastasia Steele. She is a beautiful young woman who I've grown to like." I can see the joy in her face. As with any mother meeting her sons first 'friend,' she is bursting with questions.

"So you two are dating?"

Before I can figure out the answer, Anastasia walks into the room. _Yet another woman that has perfect timing. At least this time it's in your favor, Grey._

"Here she is."

As I make the introductions, Mom begins with her questions. I manage to avoid any in depth questions about our relationship. I'm trying to steer the conversation towards schools and work when Ana's cell phone rings. Why is that not on silent?

I finish telling my mother about the graduation ceremony this week, when I hear Ana say "José." I thought she said "Kate" when she answered. Why is that clown calling her?

I divert my thoughts by asking my mom about what is going on with the family. _He wants what is yours. That is why he is calling her, Grey._ I try and focus on my conversation but can't help to listen to what is going on in the dining room.

Grace talks about Mia's return from Paris. Her and Carrick would like to have a family dinner this week. She hints that I should bring Anastasia. I quickly change the subject to Elliot. _So making her meet your mother is okay, but not everyone in your family? Are you scared of what they will think, Grey?_

By the time Anastasia returns to the living room, I am more upset than I care to acknowledge. How could she take his call? I am introducing Anastasia, the first woman ever to my mom, and she takes another man's call? _You heard how short she was with him. Maybe she didn't realize it was him when she went to answer._ She needs to sign the damn contract and this will not be a problem any longer.

After Grace leaves, I ask about José. I don't like her talking to him. I don't like him. I should have put him in his place two nights ago. _You already won. You still have remnant of her innocence on your sheets._

"What did he want?" I ask.

"Just to apologize, you know-for Friday."

Yes, I remember Friday very well. Does he? "I see."

Taylor walks in before I can interrogate her any further. Something is wrong with a Darfur shipment. As I call Ros, I watch Ana. She is uncomfortable. What does she have to be nervous about? _Maybe she likes the photographer._ If Anastasia is going to be my sub, she will not be in contact with him.

The conflict has reached the area where we usually do our food drops. Our flight crew usually lands and meets with some of leaders of the locals that are starving. With the conflict encompassing the landing zone, our pilots will be in danger, not to mention the civilians that are fighting to stay alive. We work out an alternative plan so we can still get the food delivered, but keep everyone safe.

I end the call with a new resolve to end this ordinary thing I have going with Miss Steele. It's time for my type of fun.

"This is the contract. Read it, and we'll discuss it next weekend." _What if she doesn't understand it? Do you expect her to blindly agree?_

"May I suggest you do some research, so you know what's involved. That's if you agree, and I really hope you do." By the time I finish my sentence, the determination in my voice has calmed. Am I going soft? _No, you just really want this. How much are you willing to manipulate her, Grey?_

"Research?" she asks.

"You'll be amazed what you can find on the Internet." The image of Miss Marks and whomever flashes through my mind. _She was good, too bad things ended like that._ _But you learned your lesson, Grey._

* * *

I remember it was a Saturday evening and I was in my study, going over my contact and NDA. I had spoken to my lawyer at Elana's command and he wrote the NDA a few years before. I couldn't risk someone telling others what I am doing.

This was my first time with a sub in my new room. Hell, this was my first submissive that Elana's has not picked out or was coaching me through. Even though I was worried, I was glad I didn't take Elana up on her offer to attend my meeting.

I felt nervous, what if I went too far? I had a very large selection of instruments to use. _You will not get carried away. And even if you did, you are going to give her safe words. Trust her to guide you._

But what of she doesn't? _Then this will be your only time with her and you will move on to someone else._

As I continued letting my subconscious work through my worry, I thumbed through the contract. I made note that all of my hard limits were covered. I wasn't sure what Miss Marks' limits were. Yet from what I saw at the play party, she had very few. A play party is when a group of people engage in scenes at the same location. This was only confirmed when Welch did her background check.

She led a quiet life on paper. But, when you employ someone with Welch's talents, nothing is secret.

Jennifer Marks was a few years older than me. Which I liked because I wanted someone who was sure of what they wanted and how to control their body. I was good at instructing, but did not have the patience for teaching.

She had 5 doms in the last 2 years. None of them appeared to be related to her, and she did not suffer a traumatic past. _So what it is that makes her want men as fucked up as you?_

Plus, she was not still in contact with any of her former partners. Which was a relief. I wasn't sure how I would feel with competing with her past.

However, Jennifer did stay in contact with her two sisters. Laurie and Diana, and parents Joseph and Carol Marks. All of her family had stayed in Redding California when she moved to Seattle.

Miss Marks was an airline pilot for United Airlines. Her schedule was not the usual Monday through Friday, so we had to work through when she would be mine.

"Miss Jennifer Marks is here, Mr. Grey." Taylor announced from the doorway of my study, pulling me from my thoughts. As she walked in, I observed her demeanor. She was as tall as me in four-inch heels. Her brown hair was layered down to her shoulders, giving it the look of a lion's mane. She held her head high as she walked to the front of my desk.

"Mr. Grey," she said as she shook my hand. Her grip was firm, her long fingers extending around my palm.

"Miss Marks," I regarded.

"Please, call me Tedi."

"I'd prefer to keep things formal, if you don't mind."

"Fair enough, Mr. Grey."

"If you'll please have a seat. Would you like anything to eat or drink before we begin?"

"Red wine would be great."

"Taylor?" I asked in a way that signaled him to bring Jennifer a glass of red wine.

When he returned, he placed the glass in her hand and disappeared out the door. I knew he was standing outside the door. I trusted him completely; he had been with me for over a year now.

When she regarded me with a questionable look, I shifted to begin with the NDA. I don't care to answer her questions. My personal life is not part of my lifestyle.

"Here is a non-disclosure agreement. Please read through it carefully. Once we have completed that, we can move on to the contract."

Miss Marks leaned back in her chair, slowly reading the paperwork. As she read, she pursed her lips in a form of concentration. Once she was done, I handed her a pen and she signed both copies. _Step one complete, on to step two._

After I put my NDA copy in my desk, I handed her the contract. Again, I tell her to read through it carefully. I appreciate the formality of these meetings. _It almost makes you feel normal, right? Not like you are going to take her into your room and cause cherry red whelps on her skin._

"Mr. Grey, as I'm sure you know we need to work out a schedule before we go any further. For this coming month, I can commit to Friday afternoons until early Sunday morning. I will not know the following month for another 3 weeks." I nodded and made a note to have her room stocked by Thursday.

"There can be no marks lasting longer than 24 hours and absolutely no marks from my ankles to my knees, or from my hands to my elbows due to my work uniform." Again, I nodded accepting her terms.

"Hot wax is a hard limit for me."

"Very well, Miss Marks. Are you in agreement with everything else?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey."

"Would you like to begin tonight?"

"Can we finalize this tonight?" she asked, referring to the contract.

"Contraception?" I inquired, wondering if she was prepared.

"Oral."

"I will need a recent STD test."

"I will get that done this week. Are we going to continue tonight without it?"

"Yes. I'll take you to your room and let you get comfortable while I update the contract."

As I stood, she placed her wine glass on the desk and held her hand out to me. I grasped her hand, but released it once she was standing. Jennifer's face showed her disappointment. Did she think I would allow anything other than the traditional D/s relationship?

We walked in silence upstairs. I point out my playroom, telling her this is where she will meet me. When we reached her room, I told her how she can do what she pleases with it. Any requests for the designer could be made through me and would be taken care of before the following week.

"Your car and wardrobe will be here when you return on Friday."

"Thank you, Mr. Grey. That is very generous of you."

"It's no matter. I should return in ten minutes. Anything you need?"

"No."

I turned and briskly walk back to my study. It only took me a few minutes to fix the contract. Once I hit print, I went to dress. I grabbed my worn pair of jeans. I liked how they were not constricting. I leave the rest of my body bare. I am not sure what all we will do tonight, but I am always prepared.

As I walked back to my study, Taylor met me in the doorway. "Please have an Audi A3 here by Thursday, also, her clothes. Can you please make the bed in her room as well."

"Yes, sir." And he is gone.

I took the contracts out of the printer tray and walked back to her bedroom. Once everything is complete, I begin.

"Undress and pull your hair into a ponytail. Wash off your make-up and then come to the playroom. There is a robe hanging in the bathroom for you wear. Knock before you enter."

"Okay," Miss Marks responds.

"That is your first mistake. Jennifer, I will be addressed as sir at all times in the playroom. Any other time, outside of the playroom, you will only address me as Mr. Grey. You will be punished for your mistake, if you forget. Understood?" She immediately cast her eyes to my feet.

"Yes, sir." I turned and left her bedroom.

I entered the playroom and walked around the room, collecting instruments. Despite her disobedience, I decided to make it an easy night. I collected a leather whip, several dozen clothespins, tie-wrap handcuffs, a spreader bar, and a collar.

As I was laying out my items on the bed, I heard a knock at the door. When I opened it, Jennifer is completely changed. The strong assertive woman from my study was gone. With her make-up removed and wearing only a robe, she appeared to be meek.

"Stand here." I place her in the middle of the room, taking her robe. I worked quickly as I was excited to begin. So many new fun toys to try.

I began with the collar. Once it was secured around Miss Marks' neck, I hooked it to a rope hanging from the ceiling. It was not meant to hold her weight, merely to keep her in place.

Then, I attached the spreader bar to her ankles, forcing them two and a half to three feet apart. After Jennifer was steady, I cinched the tie-wraps around her wrist behind her back. I chose the tie-wraps because they are made of plastic and have no give. This was for her response to me earlier.

After she was secured, I moved in front of her. Miss Marks' eyes were cast down; she had a look of surrender. A small smile swept across my lips. _Yes, Grey. She is surrendering to you. You are her master._

"I don't use the tie-wraps for pleasure, Jennifer. Those are because you did not address me correctly earlier. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

I began attaching the clothespins, placing them strategically on her torso. Several are placed around her nipples, and one directly on them. Then I created two lines of pins down her body to her mound, leaving a half-inch of skin between each. I moved on to her back. Beginning at her shoulder blades, I followed the same path to her buttocks applying clothespins as I go. And lastly, I started at the base of each thigh, making a line up to her sex.

Once I had finished, I left the room. I decided that I was thirsty, so I made my way leisurely to the kitchen. After a calming glass of wine in front of the panoramic windows, I went back upstairs.

Upon re-entry, I could see the smile disappear from Miss Marks' lips.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked.

"I am appreciative to have an experienced and thorough dom, sir."

"Ah, well let's hope we can keep that appreciation, shall we?"

"Yes, sir."

I picked up the whip from behind where she stood and traced its tails over her flesh. The area around the clothespins was a bright pink from the blood pooling under her skin. After I walked all of the way around her making sure that all of the pins were still in place, I stood behind her. I let my fingers run down her spine, feeling her body's response to my touch. Once I was at her opening, I slide a finger inside of her. She was not as wet as I had hoped for, but she tasted sweet with an acidic hint.

"Do you like acidy foods, Jennifer?"

"Yes, sir. Citrus fruits."

"You will obey the food list from this moment on, understood?"

"Yes, sir."

When she closed her mouth from her final word, my whip struck the back of her thigh, knocking off a clothespin. Her hushed cry spurred my erection.

"That's right Jennifer, let me hear the pain I am giving you," I encouraged.

I continued removing the pins with the whip, leaving the ones closest to her most sensitive areas. With each pin removed, her cries became louder.

After all of the pins were gone from her back and the majority from her thighs, I walked around her to remove the ones from her stomach. The skin was beginning to redden under the pinching wood. I continued taking the pins off with the whip until the only ones left are on her nipples. I could see the red whelps from the whip and pins. I chose to make short work of her breasts and with one touch of the whip on each; all of the pins were removed. Her scream pushed me over the edge.

I dropped the whip, and unhooked her collar from the rope. I picked her up and carried her to the bed, placing her back on her feet next to it.

"Turn and face the bed, laying your upper body flat."

"Yes, sir."

Once she is positioned, I trace the path of tender flesh on her back.

"The pain is over, Jennifer. Now comes the pleasure."

After I slide on a condom, I slowly entered her, pausing once I was all of the way in.

"Ready?" I asked.

"Yes, sir."

With that, I let go, thrusting deeply with every stroke. I continued my relentless domination of her womanhood until I felt her body begin to constrict. I knew she was getting closer.

"May I come, sir?"

"Yes, Jennifer, come for me." I could feel her body immediately spasm as her orgasm traveled through her.

Feeling the aftershocks of her climax, mine followed suit. When we were both finished, I cut off her ties and freed her ankles.

"Your bed is made up in your room. You are free to leave whenever you like. I will see you on Thursday."

Before she could answer, there was knock on the door. It could have only been Taylor. What is he doing? He has always understood that my lifestyle is to be ignored for all intensive purposes. I quickly pulled my jeans on and walked over to the door. I handed Miss Marks her robe and unlocked the door.

"What?" I asked.

"Sir, please forgive my intrusion. But there is something that you should see."

"It can wait, Taylor. You know I am busy."

"Well, no sir, it really can't," he replied. I knew it must have been something serious for Taylor to continue after he had been scolded.

"Fine. Miss Marks."

"Sir," she answered.

I left her alone in the room as I followed Taylor to his security office.

"Please sit, Mr. Grey. It is on my desktop."

I turn his chair so I can view the monitor that had Internet access. When I moved the mouse, I saw a video that had been paused. As I clicked play, I recognized Miss Marks. She was bent over, her hands cuffed to her ankles. She had what appeared to be caning whelps down the backs of her legs. I immediately paused the video again. I did not care to see Jennifer with another man.

"Where did you find this, Taylor?"

"On a pay to view website that contains videos of this type. I realized, when Miss Marks told you that she went by the name of Tedi, Welch may not have researched that name. When I entered it into Google, this was the 25th entry for Tedi Marks."

Oh, Welch and I would have a conversation about this. But first, I went to deal with Miss Marks.

By the time I arrived at Jennifer's bedroom door, all of the emotion was gone from my face. There was no reason to be mean, but our contract was over. I knocked.

"Please come in Mr. Grey," she responded.

"Miss Marks, regrettably our contract will not extend past this evening. It seems that one of your previous Doms has sold or is selling videos of you to an online pornographic website. Due to this involvement, your lifestyle cannot be connected to mine in any way. However, I will have the car and wardrobe delivered to your home on Thursday evening. It's a shame that we could not continue. I understand that it is late. If you wish to stay the evening, that is your choice."

She merely nodded her head as I spoke.

"Thank you, Mr. Grey."

"One more thing Jennifer, the NDA is still valid."

"Of course Mr. Grey."

The next morning she was gone.

* * *

When I look back at Ana, she seems confused and worried. What was confusing about advising her to do research? It's for her benefit.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I don't have a computer. I usually use the computers at school. I'll see if I can use Kate's laptop."

Seriously? What college student makes it through to a four-year degree with never having their own computer? I should have Welch pull her family's finances. There has to be something amiss. I'll make sure she has one, even if it is just for this. I can't risk someone opening the Internet history and seeing the type of things she is going to be googling.

"I'm sure I can… er, lend you one. Get your things, we'll drive back to Portland and grab some lunch on the way. I need to dress."

"I'll just make a call," she says.

Who the fuck is she calling? Is she going to call that asshole back while she is still in my house, holding a contract that allows me to punish her for even the mention of his name? "The photographer? I don't like to share Miss Steele. Remember that."

I leave to get dressed. I am too upset to care if she is actually calling him or not. The mere thought of him touching her in any way again brings my blood to a boil. I don a clean pair of jeans, black t-shirt, and my black leather jacket. I feel rebellious for some reason, so I dress the part. Then I move into my study. I pack my laptop and a few files I may need. I grab my blackberry off of the counter and meet Anastasia at the door.

It's a tense elevator ride. First she is being seductive by biting her lip, and then she has to ask about going against the NDA, again. What is it that makes her never want to do as she is told? She already signed the damn thing for Christ's sake!

When we approach my Audi R8, Anastasia makes a snide comment. Miss Steele, please understand those will not be allowed when you sign. But, her comment does actively reflect why I bought it. It looked sexy and I had nothing better to spend money on. When we get in, I let the roof slide back. I turn on the iPod and let myself get lost in my thoughts. I reach over, touching Anastasia's leg. I feel happy that she is here, with me. It's nice spending time with her. The feeling of her skin under my fingers gives me a sense of calm. _Happy? You can't be happy, Grey. Even if you are, it is only temporary. You can't keep it. Happiness is not something that is meant for you._

I decide to take Ana to a small restaurant I know. I haven't come here in several months. I've immersed myself in work so much lately that I am just happy if I get home in time for whatever Ms. Jones has cooked. As we get settled and are greeted by the waitress, I keep my gaze on Anastasia. What is the thinking now? Her face seems to be a mixture of delight and worry.

Over lunch I decide to open up some, to let her know me. _Why? So she can run away?_ Maybe that is why I am telling her about the other 15 women I've had in my playroom and even Elana. It's not that I want her to know me, but I want her to run before I can really hurt her. _Or is it that ecstasy building inside that you are trying to feed. Do you really think she would stay if she knew the truth, Grey? You may be able to find happiness with her, but at what cost to her?_

When the door closes to Anastasia's apartment building, I turn and get back in the car. Once I am inside, I relax and try not to worry about the contract. _She will sign it or she won't. It's out of your hands now, Grey._

What about that small rock inside of me? Why does it feel like the pure ecstasy is still growing? I would have thought my soul would have destroyed it by now. _That's because you are fighting it, Grey. But you won't win. The feelings of joy and comfort are not yours to have._

I turn the key in the ignition and hit shuffle on the iPod. I am immediately pleased that my car knows me so well. I switch the song to repeat and loose myself in the lyrics as I drive.

Bury all your secrets in my skin  
Come away with innocence and leave me with my sins  
The air around me still feels like a cage  
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go  
And run away before I know  
My heart is just too dark to care  
I can't destroy what isn't there

Deliver me into my fate  
If I'm alone I cannot hate  
I don't deserve to have you  
Ooh, my smile was taken long ago  
If I can change I hope I never know

* * *

**I'm sorry I didn't get to where he is alone. Hopefully the flashback makes up for it. :-)**

**Cookie  
**


	13. Nightmares

**This chapter involved abuse, child and drug. Read with caution.**

**Disclaimer: As always I want to stay true to the character(s) that E.L. James created. In no way do I own any part of The Fifty Shades Trilogy. I have no rights to any spoken words or emails that are taken directly from the book. Happy Reading!**

* * *

"Yes, sir?" Taylor asks as he answers the phone.

"I need a room at The Heathman and a private dinning room on Wednesday. Have them send me their menu items and I'll select the courses. Kindly ask Mrs. Jones to get a bag together. Make sure she includes the silver tie on my dresser. You can bring it this evening when you drive down." _What are you planning, Grey? There really is no way to tie her to your bed at the hotel._

"How long will you be staying, sir?" Taylor answers.

"I will be in Portland until Friday. Please arrange Charlie Tango for my return." I know I am giving Taylor a laundry list of things to accomplish.

"Will that be all, Mr. Grey?"

"No. I also need you to get Miss Steele a laptop by tomorrow morning." I reply.

"Any one in particular, sir?"

"One that does not easily get viruses, or spyware. Please have Welch install the usual tracking software on it." I do not want to risk someone getting into her computer to see what she is searching. _Don't want the world to know what you do to pretty little brunette girls, Grey?_

"Very well, sir. The Heathman will be expecting you when you arrive."

Once I am settled in my room, I pull out my laptop and begin sorting through the emails that I have neglected all weekend. I should feel guilty about ignoring my business, but I am too curious about the near future. I bury myself in work for the next few hours.

Once Taylor arrives, I begin planning dinner for Wednesday evening. Thinking about Anastasia is a welcome break from my tedious negotiations with other companies. As Taylor takes his bags into the adjoining room, my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see that it is Welch.

"What have you got Welch?" I answer.

"The laptop for Miss. Steele is ready and will be delivered first thing tomorrow morning."

"And, what is her email address?" I ask.

"Anastasia dot Steele at me dot com," Welch answers.

"Anything else?"

"No, sir." He answers.

I end the call and resume my planning for Wednesday. I am not sure where or when I will pick her up, yet, so I cannot set the time for dinner to begin. It's frustrating for me not to have complete control of Miss Steele. I am not a patient man, and I always get what I want, one way or another. _How much is she worth to you, Grey? How much are you willing to give up to have her?_

When I reach an impasse with the menu, I call down to the restaurant to have dinner brought to my room. I am not in the mood to go out this evening. As I wait, I dive back into my work out of frustration.

After I have eaten, I relax with a few glasses of wine. Staring out at the city, it's a wonder that the bondage scene here faded years ago. When Elana and I first started out, she spoke of the clubs here. She would frequently travel outside of Seattle for fear of someone recognizing her. By the time I was ready to look for my first sub, the scene here had disintegrated. I return to my seat and concentrate on work again.

I look up at the time on my laptop. Hmm, it's almost midnight. I wonder what Miss Steele is up to this evening. I know that she will have her laptop in the morning. Maybe I should send her a quick note.

Anastasia,

This weekend was amazing. I never thought that I would be able to enjoy vanilla sex. But you proved me wrong. You have a habit of doing that to me, don't you? I really hope that you are able to join me in my playroom one day. We can take it slow, but I need you.

Christian

_What the hell is that, Grey? Are you seriously going all hearts and flowers over this girl after just one weekend? _

I delete my email and start over.

Anastasia.

I hope that you are asleep as I write this. I'm sure that you will be happy with your new laptop. Please research anything that you have questions about. If the Internet cannot satisfy you, please don't hesitate to ask. Let me know when you pick you up on Wednesday.

Christian

_That is not you, Grey. Remember that you want her to be one of your subs. How can you expect her to act like one if you don't treat her like one?_

I get frustrated and stand, walking away from the desk. What is happening to me? After I regain my sense of self, I begin again. Third time is the charm, right?

Dear Miss Steele,

I trust you slept well. I hope that you put this laptop to good use as we discussed.

I look forward to dinner Wednesday.

Happy to answer any questions before then, via e-mail, should you so desire.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Finally, I sound like myself. I hit send and I make my way to the bedroom. I'm not sure if I will get much sleep tonight, but I have to try.

I fall asleep easily for once, thinking about the look on Ana's face when she receives her delivery.

* * *

"What the fuck do you mean I can't come in? This is my fucking house! Get out of my way before you get hurt!"

I am shouting. But I can't see who I am shouting at. I just know that a man is blocking me from getting inside. I know that my mother is inside. I can see her passed out on the floor again. The needle is still in her arm.

I push past the figure in the doorway and run to her side. Her face is pale and she is too skinny. I'm not the only one who doesn't eat. I brush her hair out of her face, trying to get her to open her eyes.

"Mommy! Wake up!"

I take the elastic band off of her upper arm. I pull the needle out of her skin, not wanting any more poison to get into her system. When I put my thumb over the small hole, I notice all of the track marks up and down her arm. Some have weird lines coming out of them; others are just red and bruised.

"Mommy! Please wake up! Mommy!"

I know that I am 27, but I feel like I am three all over again. The man that I had pushed past is now standing over me.

"Get the fuck off of her you little shit! She has work to do."

I feel the toe of his boot make impact with my ribs. The shooting pain causes my vision to go black. I know that something is broken, but I am too small to do anything about it. I'm lying on the floor next to my mom, trying to catch my breath. Trying to be who I am now and not who I was.

The man grabs her by the arm, pulling her up to her feet. I can see my mom's eyes flutter; she pushes at him, searching for me. He tightens his grip on her arm, jerking her around to look at him.

"Forget about that parasite. You need to get to work."

Still, she is pushing at him, trying to get away. With her free hand, she makes an attempt to slap him, but she is so high, that he easily bats it away and follows it with his own fist into her cheek.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He growls at her.

Her scream fills my ear and I am on my feet again. The man is still holding her up by her upper arm when I reach him. I try to kick him as hard as I can.

"Let my mommy go! She's my mommy! You can't take her!"

When he takes notice of me, I instantly wish he hadn't. He drops my mom, and I'm distracted by the thud she makes when she crumples to the floor.

"Get the fuck off of me!" He yells when he picks me up around my chest with both hands.

"You are nothing! Your own mother would rather get high than look at you. You don't mean shit to her. You are a waste of oxygen!" As he yells into my face, I can feel the spit hit my skin.

And then, as if I am a stuffed toy, he lets me go. I drop onto the floor beside my mother.

* * *

I wake up screaming, looking around. _You are in a hotel. You are an adult. No one can touch you. You are in control, Grey._

I begin to calm down and take in my surroundings. I am covered in sweat, and my bed is trashed. When I look over at the bedside clock, it is only 4 am. Almost four hours of sleep. _At least you did get some sleep, Grey._

But I still don't feel rested. Not like I did this past weekend. I don't remember if I had any nightmares this weekend. _You didn't, Grey. You were too preoccupied with training your soon-to-be sub._

Oh, yes, the memories of Miss Steele flood back into my mind. I remember her marvelous figure. She has such a slender neck and narrow shoulders. Her breasts fit her frame perfectly, her ribs barley visible through her skin.

I go from terrified to turned on in less than 5 minutes. Great. _You really are a piece of work, Grey._

I decide to go to the gym. I call down to the front desk as I change. The woman that answers seems a bit put off by my late night call.

"Front desk, this is Christine." she answers.

"Good morning Christine." I had a sub named Christine. She was special, too. "I'd like to go to the gym."

"Well, sir. Our gym opens promptly at 5am. Once the gym is open, it is free to use for all of our guest." She tries to sound authoritative, but comes across as snotty. It's very unattractive.

"I'll be down momentarily," I say and end the call before she can respond.

I make a brief call to Taylor's room before I leave.

"Yes, Mr. Grey?" Taylor answers.

"I am headed to gym, Taylor."

"Very well, sir."

"I should not be back until after seven."

"Yes, sir," and I end the call.

As I walk up to the front desk, the woman behind the counter notices me and glances at the floor. A small begins smile creeping up her lips.

"How may I help you, sir?" She asks.

As I eye her uniform, I notice that this is the woman I spoke to on the phone. She looks nothing like the sub from last year. She is tall, with platinum blonde hair. While her makeup is flawless, I can see where her nose and lip piercings usually go. I cannot be sure, but I think I see a tribal tattoo on her left breast under her white shirt. No, she is nothing like the Christine I knew.

"Yes, my name is Christian Grey. I am staying in your Literary Arts Suite. I called earlier about access to the gym." I give her my most handsome smile as I speak.

"Uh, yeah, uh, yes." She stumbles over her words, trying to regain her composure. "Yes, sir. May I see your room key? I'll program it so you receive unrestricted access for your stay." When she is finished speaking, she is in full flirt mode. She is batting her eyelashes and giving me her best seductive smile.

Oh, Christine, you are not my type, but I don't doubt you wouldn't enjoy the things I would do to you.

After she programs my key, she hands it back to me. But before I can take it, she places her other hand on top of mine.

"Please, let me know if there is anything else you need or would like during your stay with us here at The Heathman Hotel."

I nod my head and remove my hand from hers. "Have a good morning, Christine," and I turn and walk away.

As I work out, I push my body until my muscles burn. Claude would be proud. I decide to do my cool down on the treadmill.

Running has always produced a natural high for me. As I get into my groove, I think back to Christine.

* * *

Christine was a beautiful woman. And I do mean woman. While she was only 21, she was very experienced in my lifestyle.

Miss Ash was raised with her younger brother Jake. They stayed very close though their teenage years, and both remained close to their parents.

Christine was a few inches shorter than me with long deep brown hair. She had a naturally tan complexion, so it would take longer for her skin to flush during our time together.

She had a mild smile, which I seldom saw. But her eyes told me all I needed to know. They would light up when she was pleased, and glow just before she climaxed.

My last day with her was not my favorite. Christine enjoyed suspension. I thought I had enough experience before I met her, but she challenged me to know more, to do more. I did not have to train Christine much, but she taught me a lot about suspension.

I began with Miss Ash in a standing position. After I placed a spreader ring in her mouth, I started my work with a traditional chest harness. While tying it, I forced her breasts through the rope. I knew from experience that Christine could handle good amounts of pain. I cinched the ropes on her skin until she could not keep from wincing because of the pain. Christine's face was still a calm and unemotional. But her eyes were alight with fire, telling me that I was on the right path.

I had several carabineers and hooks hanging from the ceiling, prepared for the scene I'd planned. I hooked the largest hook to the back of her chest harness. Miss Ash's feet were still planted firmly on the ground.

Next, I tied her feet one at a time to the hook holding her chest harness. After both of her feet were up, I tightened the rope on each, evening out the balance of her body weight on the ropes.

The next rope went around her hips and up to a carabineer, supporting more of her weight. I added the final weight bearing rope at the base of her ribs.

After her torso was sufficiently supported, I untied Christine's left foot from the hook. I placed a spreader bar just above her calf muscles and below her knee, forcing her legs to stay apart. Next I tied a rope from her foot to her elbow, forcing her back to arch and her body to bend. This allowed me access to her center, without having to remove any ropes. I repeated the same process with her right foot. Then, I placed her forearms on her lower back. She needed to be able to move them for her safe signals.

The last step was to hook the ropes from her feet to her elbow through the carabineer, distributing the last of her weight and pulling the lines tight. After I secured the final rope, I slowly walked around Christine's suspended figure. Her face was calm, and her eyes were beginning to glow. I knew that if I gave her permission, she could make herself climax without me touching her.

"This is for pleasure, Miss Ash. Nod your head if you understand," I commanded. I wanted to let her know when things were for pleasure versus punishment. I didn't want there to be any confusion about my intentions.

Christine nodded her head without looking up at me. She kept her eyes on my feet like the well trained sub she was.

"Do you remember your safe signals?" I asked.

Again, Christine nodded.

"Show me the sign for yellow."

Christine raised her right hand, and waived it up and down in the space above her back.

"Show me the sign for red."

Christine repeated the same motion, only with her left hand.

I wanted to make sure that Christine knew her signals for this scene and was able to use them freely. I had never tied the ropes this tight, or in so many different ways. The kind of rope I used had the consistency of twine. It cut the skin, when tied too tight, and could make someone bleed.

Once I was satisfied that Miss Ash knew and could perform the safe signals, I placed a sensory deprivation mask over her head. This mask did not allow for sound, sight, or smell. I laced it up the back, pulling it tight over her face. The only hole was for her mouth and the spreader ring was just small enough to fit through.

While, this was for her pleasure, it was for mine too. I unzipped my jeans the rest of the way, but I did not remove them. I started fucking her mouth. Because of the suspension, I was able to move her body back and forth at my discretion.

This went on for about thirty minutes. I was able to withhold my orgasm and I enjoyed the feeling of her mouth being so slick. It was forced open in a way that every thrust gave me access to the back of her throat. I could feel the vibrations from her moans being silenced by my member.

Once I had enough, I pulled out. Removing my jeans, I walked around to her backside. I picked up an anal plug. After it was lubed, I slowly pushed it into her rear. Once I saw her left hand go up, I stopped and removed it. Thinking that it was only the plug that caused her to raise her hand, I began to fuck her. Her center was moist and waiting like her mouth had been. After a few moments, Christine cried out and shot her left hand up again.

I immediately stopped and began releasing her. I started with the mask and the ring in her mouth.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No, my leg. It's bad, sir."

I picked up her body weight, and removed the main hook from the ceiling. After placing Miss Ash on the bed, I continued untying the ropes. I was careful to watch her face, concerned about causing her more pain.

Once I untied her right leg, I could tell that it was serious. I unlocked the door and called at Taylor to call to get the SUV ready.

Christine was experiencing a type of nerve damage. The nerves that communicated from her spinal cord to her right leg were not working causing immobility and intense pain. Once all of her ropes were off, I picked her up again and took her to her bedroom.

I quickly dressed her is loose fitting clothing. Miss Ash had tears running down her face, but did not cry out.

"Taylor is going to take you to the emergency room. It will be okay."

"Yes, sir," she mumbled, still not looking at me.

I carried Christine out to the SUV. Once she was comfortable inside, I instructed Taylor to get her to the hospital as soon as possible. I had never seen someone get nerve damage, and I never thought I would be the one to cause it.

When I closed the door, the car began to pull away. I could hear Miss Ash's composure break as she cried out. It sounded like every change in the car's motion, reverse to forward, caused a shriek to escape the car. I felt bad for not going with her to the hospital, but I could not risk the questions they would undoubtedly ask. I knew that Taylor would take care of everything.

I spoke to Christine once after that. She called in the middle of the week asking if she can collect her personal items. I never saw her again, but I still send her money for physical therapy every month.

* * *

I am dripping sweet when I come back to reality. I notice that it's been 5 miles since I started. _That was some memory, Grey. It was not your fault. You stopped as soon as you knew._

Shaking my head I grab my towel and leave the gym. Why is my mind punishing me today? First, the nightmare. I keep trying to remember, but can only recall the feelings of helplessness and agony. And now, the memory of a woman that will always have a constant pain in her right leg from me. _It's showing you who you really are, Grey. You are not a Prince. You don't have a white horse. You are not good enough for Miss Steele._

Ah, yes, Anastasia. I make a note to see if she has checked her email when I get out of the shower.

When I get back to my room, I order breakfast and quickly step into the shower. The water is hot, causing my skin to become red. What is happening to me?

Everyday it seems that the ecstasy inside me is growing. It feels amazing. But, why is my mind punishing me with all of these thoughts? Am I really so undeserving? _Yes, Grey, you are. Your past is too much for anyone to know. You hide behind your business. You make it perfect because you never can be. You beat young woman to feel power over them, over your mother. You want to control your mother in a way that you never really could. You beat your mother over and over because she let you get beat._

Why is this ecstasy inside of me? Why is it taunting me with what I can never have?

After I've dressed, I sit down to eat breakfast. I am hungry after my workout and it's not a feeling that I enjoy. After my hunger is sedated, I open up my laptop to begin work.

At 8:17am, my email alerts me that Anastasia has opened my email. I wait, not so patiently to see if she replies.

8:20

Your New Computer (on loan)

I slept very well, thank you-for some strange reason-_Sir._

I understood that this computer was on loan, ergo, not mine.

Ana.

Really, Anastasia, insubordination so early in the morning?

8:22

You New Computer (on loan)

The computer is on tone. Indefinitely, Miss Steele.

I note from your tone that you have read the documentation I gave you.

Do you have any questions so far?

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Again, I sit a wait. I am surprisingly amused by our back and forth. _Is this fun, Grey?_

8:25

Inquiring Minds

I have many questions, but not suitable for e-mail, and some of us have to work for a living.

I do not want or need a computer indefinitely.

Until later, good day. _Sir._

Ana

Still, such a smart mouth. I really want to fuck that mouth right now. Two can play this game Miss Steele.

8:26

Your New Computer (again on loan)

Later, baby.

P.S.: I work for a living, too.

Christian Grey.

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

I smile to myself, knowing she read my message before she left for work. _I hope you are enjoying this, Grey. You are encouraging her insubordination. _

I decide to give Dr. Flynn a call. I won't be able to make out meeting this week, and I'd love his opinion on last night's and this morning's thoughts.

"Good morning, Christian," he says as he answers his phone. I can hear the surprise in his voice.

"Good Morning, Dr. Flynn. I am not going to make our standing appointment this week. I am in Portland until Friday. I figured we could do it over the phone."

"That's fine Christian. What would you like to talk about?"

"Well, I met someone. Her name is Anastasia Steele," I pause, waiting for something, anything from him.

"Okay. Let's start at the beginning. How did you meet her?"

"The interview I did a few weeks ago for WSUV. She was standing in for her roommate, and from the moment my eyes fell on her, I knew she was special. Different. I could tell that she had the normal reaction to me, and I was having fun with it at first. But then, it was became something more. I didn't want her to leave. I've never been so drawn to a girl before."

"Okay. Why is it that you think you are so drawn to her?"

"I am not sure yet. I thought it was because of her innocence. But now even after that is gone, I am still enamored by Anastasia."

"After her innocence is gone? What do you mean by that?"

"Well, a few days ago, I flew her up to Escala in Charlie Tango to go over the paperwork. She signed the NDA, and after… Well, when we were going over the contract, I found out she was a virgin. That was remedied."

"Let me make sure I'm keeping up. You took the first woman ever in your helicopter?"

"Yes."

"And then you took her virginity?"

"Yes."

"And did you do it your way?"

"Of course not. She had no experience. I couldn't have her first time be like mine."

"So you…?"

"Yes, I had normal sex."

"And what did you think of it?"

"It was nice. But, I'm not sure it's something I would want forever."

"But you admit that you liked it?"

"Of course. But I'm not sure if it was that or her."

"Why are you confused?"

"Because since our first time, I've had this feeling inside of my chest. It's alien."

"Alien how?"

"It feels good. Almost pure, like I imagine happiness would feel like."

"Okay. Do you like the feeling?"

"Yes, but it feels wrong."

"Why does it feel wrong?"

"I don't deserve to feel like this. I am so evil. I want to beat her, but she makes me feel… Why would I want to hurt someone who makes me feel like this? I must be a horrible person."

"You are who you want to be. If you don't want to be evil, then don't be."

"But I can't help it. I have to. It's the only way I know. How else am I supposed to show Anastasia that I am proud of her? That I am disappointed with her? Controlling her does all of that."

"Okay. How does she feel about all of this?"

"I'm not sure. She has not signed the contract. I think she is confused by everything. She doesn't tell me much, but I know she enjoys my company. But I don't know if that is because of the sexual relationship that I offer or because she thinks I am something I am not. I'm not sure if she will accept what I am offering."

"What if she doesn't?"

"I… I don't know."

"Will you move on?"

"I don't know."

"Will you fight for her?"

"I don't know."

"What is she worth to you?"

"I don't know!" I am getting very frustrated with his line of questioning. What is he trying to prove?

"Okay. Okay. Is there anything else?"

"Um, yeah. I had a pretty bad nightmare last night. I didn't have them when I was with Anastasia."

"With Anastasia? You slept? Non-sexually slept with her?"

"Yes, but that is besides the point. The nightmare last night left me feeling weak and scared. Then I thought about Christine Ash today, and how it all ended."

"What do you think is causing these thoughts?"

"It started after I dropped Anastasia off yesterday."

"What started?"

"The feeling of loneliness. I've been alone a lot in my life, but I think I miss her."

"Why do you miss her?"

"I'm not sure. I just miss the feeling I have when she is around me."

"So, what is next?"

"She is deciding if she will sign the agreement. We are having dinner in two days."

"Call me if you need me."

"I will."

"Of course. Good bye, Christian."

"Good bye, Dr. Flynn."

After I hang up the phone, I am more confused than before.

* * *

**I am sorry that this took so long. Thing have been a bit chaotic for me lately. I hope to get back in my groove soon.**

**1SouthernBelle-You are outstanding! Thank you for the time you devoted to my words.**

**-Cookie**


	14. Nice Knowing You

**Sorry for the long delay, I had some personal things come up. I hope this chapter was worth the wait.**

* * *

After I hang up the phone with Dr. Flynn, I turn back to my computer to work.

While navigating through boring emails, I let my mind wonder. What am I doing here? I've never pursued a woman to this extent. Hell, I've never pursued a woman at all. _With the way you look, Grey, why would you have to?_

I've always known why I like a particular type of woman, but I'm not sure if Miss Steele fits that category. She can be so strong when she wants to be. But she is unaware of her own beauty. Usually those are not two traits you find in the same woman. _You will have to work to get her to be who you need her to be._

Even as my subconscious tells me this, I am struck with the thought that maybe I don't want her to be that. _Of course you do, Grey. Why else are you "training" her? Don't kid yourself here, Grey. You know what you want._

Shaking my head, I push my chair away from the desk. What is wrong with me? How did I get so confused?

The rest of the day drags on. At five o'clock, I begin composing an email to Anastasia.

Dear Anastasia,

You are a very interesting woman. I've spent a great deal of time today trying to figure out what you are doing to me.

How was work today? I hope your coworkers were pleasant.

Remember to do your research this evening; I'd like to proceed with our arrangement as soon as possible.

_This again, Grey? This woman is your sub. You need to dial it back. _Fine!

Dear Miss Steele,

I hope you had a good day at work.

Christian Grey

_Much better!_

I hit send and decide to order my dinner. After I am done eating, my email dings with a new message.

_Sir…_ I had a very good day at work.

Thank you,

Ana

Oh, yes, she is very strong willed.

Miss Steele,

Delighted you had a good day.

While you are emailing, you are not researching.

Christian Grey

She needs to do the research.

Mr. Grey, stop emailing me, and I can start my assignment. I'd like another A.

Ana

The mention of her previous "A" gives me flashbacks to her in the bath with me. The way that she was able to take my entire length into her mouth, feeling her tongue on the tip as she would slowly pull it out. _She knows exactly what she is doing to you, Grey._

Miss Steele,

Stop emailing _me_ – and do your assignment.

I'd like to award another A.

The first one was so well deserved. ;)

Christian Grey

Two can play this little game Anastasia. _Be careful, Grey. You want to make sure that she knows her place._

Mr. Grey,

What would you suggest I put into a search engine?

Ana

_Remember, she needs to know you are her dom._

Miss Steele,

Always start with Wikipedia.

No more emails unless you have questions.

Understood?

Christian Grey

_Very nicely done, Grey._

Yes… _Sir_.

You are so bossy.

Ana

Just now figuring that out, Ana?

Anastasia, you have no idea.

Well, maybe an inkling now.

Do the work

Christian Grey.

_She has no clue how you want to control her, Grey. Don't tease her, letting her think this is more than what it is._

Over the next few hours, I try to come to terms with what I am doing with this sweet innocent girl. I know I should find someone who is like me, who knows what I want. But I can't leave this girl alone. No matter how I try to scare her away, to make myself leave, it just doesn't work.

I may be an evil man, but I am not the type that takes it out on girls who don't know what's coming. I need to make sure she understands everything. I need her to know that she can only be a sub. There are rules to my lifestyle. Without rules there is only chaos. I cannot live in chaos again.

As I finish up dinner, I decide to call Elena.

"Hello?" She answers.

"Good evening, Elena. It's Christian."

"Yes. Good evening Christian. How are you?"

"Very well. I am not going to make our weekly meeting this week. Do you have time to go over everything now?"

"Yes, of course. Is everything okay?" She asks.

"It is. I'm spending the week in Vancouver," I answer.

"How fun. Are you going to be back in Seattle in time for your parents Charity event?"

"I am. Did you find a location for the new store?" I ask. I am tired of the small talk and ready to get down to business.

"I did. It's big enough to fit 5 chairs and has several private rooms for the other services."

"Good. It sounds nice." It has only taken her 5 months to finally pick a place to open the new location of our beauty shop chain.

"Would you like to see it before I sign the lease?"

"No, that won't be necessary. I trust your judgment." If she doesn't like, I'll just buy out the lease and she can find somewhere else.

"I'm glad to hear that after all of these years."

"Elena, you know you are a dear friend to me. The fact that I trust you shouldn't come as a surprise." I trusted you to do how many explicit things to my body? I should be able to trust you with a simple thing like picking a location for a beauty salon.

"I know. It doesn't. It's just nice to be reassured on occasion."

"What's going on with you? Insecurity is not something you've ever had a problem with before." It seems like she is fishing for compliments. I wonder who has ruffled her feathers to this extent. I don't think her ex husband has been in contact. I'll have to ask Welch to check in on him.

"I know, it's just this new sub. He makes me laugh. I know that I shouldn't let him get too close to me, but I can't help it."

"I understand what you mean." So she is letting her new sub get to know her too well. I can see how that can happen. _What? Now that your new, wait she is not even a sub. Your new friend? Is that what she is? Now that your new friend is getting close to you?_

"How is that Christian? You never let anyone get close to you, especially your subs."

"I know. There is someone new."

"A new sub?" she interrupts.

"No, not exactly. She is new to our lifestyle. But she is an amazing girl. She seems too innocent, but at the same time, she wants to learn."

"Oh. So you are going outside of the circle now? Well, when you don't use people who know what they want, bad things can happen."

I think she is trying to warn me, but of what, I am not sure. "It's not like I searched her out, Elena. We just happened to meet and she caught my attention."

"Well, it is very hard to capture your attention."

As Elena goes back and forth with me, I open up my email and quickly read a message from Anastasia.

Okay, I've seen enough.

It was nice knowing you.

Ana

All of a sudden, I feel very sick. "Elena, I'm going to have to let you go. Something has come up. Are we okay on everything for this week?"

"Yes, yes, everything is good. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. We will speak on Friday at the event."

"Of course. Have a good evening Christian."

"You too Elena. Good bye," and I hang up the phone.

What does Anastasia mean, "It was nice knowing you." What just happened? A few hours ago, she was joking with me. What was it that she found online? I know there is nothing about me that she could find.

I decide to drive over to her place. I have a fleeting thought about Miss Kavanaugh, but push it aside. It doesn't really matter if she is there. I have to see Anastasia. She can't turn me down. Not yet.

I call the desk before I leave my room, "This is Christian Grey. Please get my car." I hang up the phone and quickly make my way to the elevators. It seems like eternity until I am seated and driving towards her place.

What if she is serious? _Then you walk away, Grey. You can't force her to be with you._

But, how am I supposed to be with out her? _The same way you were without her before you knew she existed. You will find someone else, Grey. _

But I don't want someone else. I want her!

* * *

**Thank you for reading, and all of your amazing reviews! I'm in the process of setting up a blog in case someone decides that my story can no longer be one here. Thank you again!**

**-Cookie**


	15. The End

I'm really sorry it has taken me so long to come back here. I am not sure at this point if I will continue writing this story. I begin writing this because I couldn't find another story like it at the time. Now there are many other stories which I'm sure are outstanding, and the mentality of Christian is not one I can live in for extended periods. Also, I feel like it has been too long since I have read the books, and picking it back up would not be an easy task. I am thinking of starting a new one... Maybe just specific scenes from 50 Shades, or a whole new book altogether. We'll see. Thank you to everyone who read, commented, and even messaged me. For me, as a 1st time FF writer, that is the greatest thing ever! I really appreciated all of the support I got. If I decide to continue this story, I will obviously put it here first. I couldn't possibly think to share it with others before you all. Thank you again! Happy reading!

UPDATE: I have started a new story. It's called Anna Steele, US Marine.

This is the story of Ella, a US Marine, and her suitor, Michael. What will happen as he introduces her to his sexual perversions? Will she like it and ask for more, will his chiseled features be enough to keep her coming back, only tolerating the abuse. In this universe, there are no massive amounts of money, or red room of pain. Only a female Marine, trying to figure out who she is, and a male Marine trying to take everything he can, but losing it all.

Cookie.


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